Lotus in My Backyard

Restless

2012-01-28T20:53:00.002+08:00

For the first time in my life, I am actually hoping that my phone signal dies.. to signify that the conversion is successful and I can change to a new telco provider before I board the plane tomorrow.

I'm also feeling strangely restless.. because I've made an investment, so now I crave for the result, or at least to get the product in hand! I have not felt such restlessness for a long time..

~ttg @ Realized Tranquility of the Heart~

IAS and IFRS

2012-01-09T11:26:00.002+08:00

After cleaning up and throwing out my old Form 6 notes and papers, suddenly I need to do a project on financial policies.. and I suddenly recalled, I have learned about IAS before back in Form 6, and even had to memorize some of them!

Sadly, right now I can only recall that I had learned about them but I still can't really remember how to apply them. Looks like there are a lot of work to be done to get myself up to speed again.

This is really a "out of sight, out of mind" case. Nevermind, I am sure I will be able to catch-up again!

~ttg @ Realized Tranquility of the Heart~

Sleepy

2012-01-06T09:12:00.002+08:00

At work and sleepy.. This is the 4th day in a row, for "normal working schedule + traffic jam". Yesterday on the way to work I felt sleepy too, but recovered at work. Today, I felt sleepy on the way to work and is still continuing to feel sleepy after half an hour doing some administrative stuff to my laptop..

Sigh, and I thought I felt refreshed earlier this week! I must keep on conditioning my mind to think so. I should be feeling ok, as I'm not working overtime and I did have enough hours of sleep albeit continuous dreams throughout the night.. maybe the dreams are the cause of the tiredness during daytime. I haven't had so many dreams for a long time.. wonder why they are appearing now but I don't remember much of them.

Maybe just one :) I was in HK, and I had a chance to sit on a jet plane operated by Mr Chow Yuen Fatt!! Haha.. the trip was either to the Artic or Antartica (strange!!). There were other people as well including 2 of my bosses, and 2 quite elderly ladies asked another passenger to help them to check in HK immigration.. seems like they somehow got in illegally to HK to make this flight! But I woke up before the flight could take off, and actually I also wanted to get off the plane because it seemed dangerous.. from HK to the North or South Pole? On a jet plane? Without any preparation? It was just weird, but still, rather nice to have CYF as the pilot!

~ttg @ Realized Tranquility of the Heart~

I&A

2012-01-02T17:41:00.002+08:00

Attended my first I&A.. invoking the 28 Buddha's name for 21 rounds can be quite a toll on the throat.. but well, good that I've finally participated in one :)

~ttg @ Realized Tranquility of the Heart~

Do Not Judge

2011-12-31T17:49:00.002+08:00

Sometimes in life we have difficulties which we cannot talk about.. that might lead others to make false conclusions of the situation. I hope that I will always remember this..

~ttg @ Realized Tranquility of the Heart~

The Four Brahmaviharas

2011-12-30T14:07:00.002+08:00

This is yet another post about the brahmaviharas.. Can't help it. Ever since the retreat, I keep on reflecting on how much guidance I've had on how to manage my emotions, which emotions should I "choose" to have.. Yes, it's actually possible to choose which emotion to apply in various circumstances and most of the time I manage to pick one to apply. As long as they are one of these four, or any other good emotions, then I know I'm "safe".

The other one is concentration on breathing, which really helps tremendously to calm down my emotions and my thoughts.. Strangely, yesterday night before I went to sleep, I actually am able to see that whenever my thoughts are not in the present, or whenever I'm thinking about something, it's obviously not the present because I'm thinking either about the past or the future, my thoughts and emotions are stirred and I became more active in a sense which makes it harder to go to sleep, and I have to constantly tell my mind what I was thinking of, and bring it back to the present breath..

I think both works hand in hand to make me more mindful of what's going on..

~ttg @ Realized Tranquility of the Heart~

Thank You

2011-12-29T02:26:00.002+08:00

It's year end, same as other people, it's a time which makes me feel like I'd like to thank a lot of people. Perhaps this feeling increase year by year. I have achieved a lot in the past year. I managed to get my life back into balance, I had my first two retreats, I read some sutras, I helped out my organization with some membership systems.. All this isn't my achievement alone. There were so many people along the way, and whatever we had achieved, it's something all of us achieved, it's not my achievement alone.

~ttg @ Realized Tranquility of the Heart~

Beginning Anew in 2012

2011-12-28T11:13:00.002+08:00

Here's some questions for reflection from the StillWaterMPC newsletter:

In what ways have I acted wisely and skillfully, towards myself and others in 2011?

In 2011 were there actions I took (or actions I failed to take) that I regret? I now can see how they created suffering for myself or others.

Were there times I was hurt in 2011 and did not allow myself to fully experience my own suffering? Did I deny, suppress, minimize, or rationalize my suffering so that I was not able to acknowledge it to myself or others?

What can I learn from the ways I have acted in 2011? As I begin 2012, are there intentions I wish to set? Are there new ways of acting and responding that I wish to nourish?

Good questions for sharing. For me, I think I'll just write down the answers in my journal..

~ttg @ Realized Tranquility of the Heart~

Accounting for Non-Profit Organizations

2011-12-26T19:15:00.002+08:00

Due to a recent mini project, I have to refresh my knowledge and memory about accounting.. Luckily can still remember a bit, as I haven't touched accounting since 2004 :)

~ttg @ Realized Tranquility of the Heart~

Enlightenment

2011-12-23T15:19:00.001+08:00

From Still Water Mindfulness Practice Center newsletter dated Dec 21, 2011

From May 10, 1998 Dharma Talk by Thich Nhat Hanh:

I said before that if we have not made any mistakes, there is no way for us to learn. So that is why to look deeply, and to see the nature of the act, the nature of interbeing of the act in the light of non-self, we see that that is a kind of act, that is a kind of speech that has created suffering. That moment when you see it, when you recognize it, that is enlightenment, because enlightenment is always enlightenment of something, or about something. The moment when you see that this is the lack of skillfulness on your part and on the part of many ancestors who have transmitted the seed to you, then that is already enlightenment, that is already meditation, that is already deep looking. And out of that enlightenment you are motivated by a desire that you would not like to do that again. So that desire, that aspiration is a strong energy, a strong energy that can make you alive, that can help you to protect yourself, to protect all the future generations within you, and that insight is very liberating. And if you know that you are not going to do the same thing again, you are already free, and your ancestors are also free, and there is no need to be caught in your feeling of culpability.

May we always be blessed with continuous mini enlightenments in our lives.

~ttg @ Realized Tranquility of the Heart~

House No 62

2011-12-23T14:18:00.002+08:00

I've had some strange dreams in the past 3 days, which gave me the feeling that I want to continue with the dream when I wake up, but this feeling could also be caused by my desire to continue sleeping due to lack of sleep..

Dream on House No 62Anyway, I'll start with today's dream on house no 62. It's a pretty long dream, starting from myself and another roommate, I suspect it's BL, who used to be my roommate, in a dark room. It has black floor, but smooth, not coarse, two beds on each side of the room, not well lited, and the room is comfortably spacious too, like our 1st college room, block E. It's overall can be described as a not-so-well lighted room but with reasonable space as a room in a student hostel. Somehow we had to find bath rooms, because the one at our floor kind of malfunction, the water from the next room splash into the next one, from what I still remember vaguely from the dream, so I was already undressed, I just put on a towel and went to some sort of library, which others were of course surprised to see me in towel looking for bathroom. Thinking back now, it's kind of embarassing too.. but in my dream, I think I was frustrated with malfunctioning bathrooms and didn't care. I told them it's because of bathroom which didn't work that I'm there.. and they led me to functioning bathroom, but it was very cramped, the walls were of rough cement..

The next thing I remember, I went on I think a tuk tuk? with AT if I still remember correctly, to scout for alternative places to stay. We arrived at a road with semi-Ds / bungalow type of houses, very peaceful and nice looking houses, and the driver dropped us in front of house No 62. I asked AT, which house are we visiting, she said "62", same as the number on her bag (big print of "62" in blue, on beige canvas bag). We entered, and we have to take off our shoes. The house is mostly white in colour, and is really a huge and clean mansion. There are green grass outside, some potted plants, and I think I also saw a pet lizard and pet tortoise, plus one other exotic animal which I can't remember what it is. Once inside the building, we see a few groups of people in discussion or chatting.. and there are two staircases on left and right leading upstairs. I told AT, it's weird, these people just allow outsiders to come in and they do not ask us anything? We went up, and the rooms were simply gorgeous, all doors were opened so we can see the interior of each room, beautifully decorated, and I could only remember the distinct part of each room is that all have 2 white chairs, which must have been standard furniture for each room.. and the rest of it, too beautiful for me to see what is the standard furniture and what is personal. Somehow we lie down on a couch.. and then some people came up, bringing their pets too, and there's a man who has a furry dog (grey and white), who asked his dog to "gently bite" people, actually by the dog or the person kissing the dog and I guess the dog would playfully bite the other person's tongue or whatever, and he asked me to try the bite.. and I said no, as I can't bring myself to kiss doggies.. That's all I remember..

I kept thinking about this dream about house no 62 and trying to see what it's implying, here's my deduction, which obviously my perception and thinking has been affected by my current absorption with Buddhism..
- Why people did not question who we were, and did not welcome us either? But they were all peaceful looking. I think cause it's something like the ehipassiko, come and see. They are like the sangha, a peaceful community in a harmonious dwelling. They do not need to question our presence, because they do not fear outsiders, and they welcome all. However, they do not purposely welcome because there is no need for them to promote or to introduce, it's up to the outsiders to see what's there
- Why I felt fear.. well, cause there is still fear in me..
- The difference about house no 62 and the earlier part of my dream, is like 2 dwellings, one is bright, one is dark, which one should I choose, how come I was staying in the dark one, and now that I have a chance to see the bright one, I am mesmerized by it and at the same time I am doubtful of why it could exist in such a beautiful way
- I still have the thoughts that I am entitled to something, clearly depicted with my reaction to the malfunctioning bathroom, and my disrespect to others when I was trying to find another bathroom just in towel! And also wrong speech as I angrily told people the bathroom is not functioning, and using that to justify my wrong behaviour.. and all the wrong actions / thoughts come from where? Me..

Dream on my own houseYesterday, I had a dream that my uncle's house was moved brick by brick to my house as they renovated or moved into another house. This cause my house to have more compartments, more rooms, and it also has a smaller living room with a four seated swing (brown colour cushions), and I think the house is rotating? overlooking the bright scery outside which keeps rotating. It also has a room like, KT's room, downstairs, with bookshelves of some books which I would have loved to read but I can't remember what they are now. I was also mesmerized by the beauty of my own home, I had the feeling that, wow, I did not realized my own house has so many things which I do not know of! And I went to take my camera, trying to take pictures of them. I remember trying to take pictures of the rotating view, but the camera wasn't functioning well.

Dream on my school busThis is a dream I had the day before yesterday. Actually I can't remember much of it, other than the fact that I got on a wrong bus (Uncle's bus) when we were supposed to change bus, and I thought I was late but I was still on time. Then I got on the correct bus (M's bus, and M has sent me to school since I was 7).. He dropped me at my house, at 9 am sharp, and right after I got off the bus, my alarm clock rang. Right on time because I knew that my adventures in the dream has ended and I was going home, so I got sent home and woken up to return to my life at home

~ttg @ Realized Tranquility of the Heart~

Various Thoughts

2011-12-20T16:25:00.002+08:00

I am tackling the Surangama Sutra, using the version translated by Charles Luk. It is indeed a difficult text for my not-so-enlightened mind. I am still struggling through it. The only part which I think I "truly understand" based on my current level of understanding, is the part on individual karma and collective karma, which is just 2 pages out of the 100 pages I've read so far, and the whole text plus commentaries is 330 pages in total... I have just 1.5 weeks of leave remaining for me to do things at my own pace (including trying to complete studying this text at least for one time by then), how time flies!! :(

My parents were out for the entire morning, yesterday and today. I realized that I truly enjoyed the silence, I don't mean that I dislike my parents' presence in the house, but then, I really like being alone, having the opportunity to do morning puja on my own for one hour, play the piano without the TV background for one hour, watch a drama about Zhong Kui god for one hour, etc. I simply like the feeling of doing all these alone.

When I was playing the piano today, I realized that the morning puja/meditation might have helped me in keeping a better tempo, and a slow one too. I also find that it was easy to drive slowly on the road. In fact, driving and 60km/h might have been a bit too slow for most people, including for myself in the past, but somehow, it seems a nice pace to drive when I drive recently, which is just a few times, averaging once every 1 or 2 weeks for the past couple of months. Perhaps this is what SH meant when he said he enjoyed driving slowly. I think I've either heard this directly from him or from someone else who spoke about him.

I recognized a lot of bad feelings arising in myself, including impatience, anger, jealousy, betrayed, resentment, disbelief, doubt, etc, which I hope I had made some progress spiritually, at least I recognized them now. I would think there are still a lot of states of mind that I do not recognize, but good enough that I recognize what I do now, and manage to control my thoughts around them.

I know why I could not settle things directly with the person who causes the negative emotions or reactions from myself. My personality has always been that I would avoid talking about it directly with that person, but talk about it with other people instead. I know where it came from and due to some reasons, I could not disclose it here.. but I just want to say, I am happy to know it, and hope that by knowing where the cause lies, I will be able to improve myself when I face similar situations in the future.. at least I can ask myself a question, why am I not speaking to the person whom I'm hurt with? Why am I looking for person B (whoever this person may be) to speak to?

I am indeed attached to Plum Village chants and songs and practices, I hope for a good reason. I'm reading the 5 Mindfulness Trainings text from time to time, which still looks very cluttered and full of so many little trainings within each training, in a haphazard way. But I can pick out more little trainings that I can relate to when I read them, hopefully this is also a sign that I am progressing on the path.

I read a passage from "The Awakening of Loving Kindness" booklet, which is a compilation of talks by Master Chin Kung, and I'm grateful that it talks a bit about the Paramita of Deep Concentration, using a reference to the Diamond Sutra.
...The most important criteria in helping others are deep concentration and wisdom; that is to not be attached to phenomena but to maintain the mind of tranquility...not to be attached to external forms and to maintain the mind of stillness within. Not to be attached to external forms is not to be attached to phenomena, while maintaining the mind of stillness means that we do not have greed, angerl or ignorance as we encounter external conditions. When we encounter external conditions but are unaffected and can thus help others, it is due to our deep concentration and wisdom.
Without deep contentration, we will be unable to educate others, but would instead be swayed by them and end up being confused about the whole situation How does this happen? When we are in contact with others and things do our way, thoughts of greed arise. When things do not go our way, anger and hatred arise because we lack deep concentration and wisdom. With deep concentration and wisdom, we will not have thoughts of greed, hatred, or anger in any circumstance, whether they re favourable or unfavourable.

From here, I understand more about my Dharma name, Realized Tranquility of the Heart. I aspire to be able to instill peace in my surroundings by starting with myself. I have also always have doubts about how much can I help others when my own life seems to be not according to the way I want, and I feel that I have not found my calling. Ven Buddharakhitta advised to my anonymous question to let the dust settle and I will be able to see. I can see the dust settling now, still a lot more dust flying but some of it has started to still. Anyway, back to how the passage by Master Chin Kung enlightened me, I need to have concentration and wisdom within myself, to be able to help others or to be able to instill peace in my surroundings. The reason why I failed, was because I have the intention to instill peace but I'm too soft-hearted and easily swayed by people and circumstances.

Hmm.. this suddenly reminds me of an encounter with an aunty in Shanghai who offered to give me a free fortune telling which of course requires a small fee at the end, but she said I am too soft hearted and I need to be more "hard" to get what I want. At that time, it could be due to my thinking or her point of view, that she has used another example to explain this which I can relate to, which due to certain reasons I cannot disclose that example too. But enough to say, by now, what I thought I wanted, I no longer crave for it so strongly now, and I hope I am truly letting go of it.

I will continue to plant more seeds of what I want, e.g. to be close to the Triple Gem, to realized my calling, to be able to be of service to others open-heartedly without any resentment, and without expectations. I understand that not all seeds will grow, so I have to plant a lot of seeds, in hope that some of them will grow.

~ttg @ Realized Tranquility of the Heart~

Meditation on Loving Kindness and Other Sublime States

2011-12-18T22:18:00.002+08:00

I picked up this book, written by Ven Sujiva, from BGF on Nov 24, before we head for the Plum Village retreat at Genting. As CA and I arrived quite early at Genting View Resort, and I don't have much to do since I'm not a committee, I have some time to browse through this book, and eventually got me hooked to finish reading the book. One of the aspects of this book which really helped me, was how it breaks down the Metta Sutta, and listing the different suttas relating to Metta.

Point #1There is a section on "The Conditioned Nature of Metta", where the opening paragraph reads as such:

In the first part of the metta sutta, we come across conditions important for one who wishes to develop metta. If we study them we can see into their relevance and as to what way it works as it concerns our practic of it in our daily lives.
(1) He should be capable
(2) He should be frank
(3) Extremely honest
(4) One should be meek
(5) Gentle
(6) Not proud
(7) Contented
(8) Easy to support
(9) Have few duties
(10) Frugal
(11) Serene in faculties
(12) Prudent
(13) Free from rudeness
(14) Not favouring in families
(15) He should not do even the slightest thing which other wise men might deplore

Why it "enlightened" me - it's because, somehow, although I've read the sutta numerous times, I had the impression that this first part of the sutta describes the quality of a person with metta. But after reading the opening paragraph, actually, it's just the first sentence - I understand that these qualities are required in preparation for metta cultivation.

Point #2How Ven. Sujiva describes the 4 bramaviharas, their qualities and how to select individuals to radiate these brahmaviharas

...The 4 brahmaviharas are:
(1) Metta
(2) Karuna
(3) Mudita
(4) Upekkha

...Individuals may be classified into 5 categories
(1) extremely intimate
(2) lovable
(3) indifferent
(4) unpleasant
(5) hostile

...In a way the first 3 are different shades of each other. Compassion and Symphathetic Joy can overlap with Metta but not with each other. Compassion sees into the suffering of beings while Symphatetic Joy sees into their happiness. Metta can be applied to both situations. Equanimity however differs in the sense of being a detached (yet with understanding) state.

Metta
...In selecting an individual as an initial object of metta bhavana, one is advised to choose the 2nd, a lovable individual because metta can arise easily. The 1st may arouse attachment, the 3rd may pose some difficulties and the 4th and 5th may arouse anger instead. One is also advised against giving it to the opposite sex as it may arouse lust. One's mother of he, or father of she, is usually not preferred for the unstable ind may wanter to another of the opposite sex. The other individual not recommended is the deceased because it does not produce deep concentration as the person is no longer present and is already in different state.
... The lovable should be alive and of the same sex as one. Lovable means he inspires metta in you, he would most likely be one with a lot of metta himself besides many other virtues like morality, concentration, wisdom, patience, humility and so on. It is someone when you think of or meet with a lot of respect and friendliness. Someone whom you can call a true friend.

Karuna
...For a start, it should not be anyone too close which could cause grief. It should not be a hostile one which we could even be glad about it! The opposite sex and dead are also not suitable. We are advised not to consider whether he is dead, neutral or hostile. Instead we ought to choose one who we can clearly see as suffering.

Mudita
...Usually it is not easy for this state of mind to arise, especially when one sees another doing better than oneself. It is often easier to feel indifferent or even jealous. For a lot of people it has to be cultivated. So for a start one is advised to do it to a very intimate person. One is more likely to rejoice in his happiness owing to closeness.
... One cannot help but notice the fact that mudita is a more lighter emotion than the previous two. In fact it is like a high pitch or fine clouds that ifts up one high and quickly.
...In mudita one should be careful one does not fall into joyful attachment and satisfaction to worldly things. One has to remember one's mindfulness and keep the mind in control and detached.

Upekkha
... for more effective practice, one would need to study and understand what kamma is, and how these actions can bring about their results. Comparatively this state of mind is far more detached, and often misunderstood as cold. Usually it is more suitable to apply the other 3 divine abidings first and when they fail or is unwise to do so, one will then resort to equanimity. For eg. when it is too difficult to change a wicked man's heart, it is best to keep a distance. In another case it may be someone who cannot escape death, we can use compassion and then maintain an equanimous state when he dies. Equanimity also occurs frequently when much detachment is summoned when one devotes one's effort to one's own purification first.
.. In the practice of upekkha bhavana one first selects the neutral person... When one has done so successfully with the neutral person, one can proceed to the dear one and the rest in the same way.

Why I felt that these selected passages helped in my understanding:
- It provides some additional context to what Ven Buddharakhitta spoke about. E.g. why people usually do not choose to radiate Mudita
- It explains why the selection of different individuals would be beneficial for different type of brahma vihara
- It categorizes the individuals
- It categorizes the 4 brahmaviharas, where it overlaps and where it it's different
- It explains the way the lines for each brahma vihara can be recited, aspirations multiplied by unspecified individuals (class of beings), directional and specified individusals

This post is not intended to be a proper book review. I just wanted to post about it because I appreciate the understanding I've gained from reading it.. May it be of benefit to others too!

~ttg @ Realized Tranquility of the Heart~

In, Out, Deep, Slow

2011-12-17T18:14:00.002+08:00

Thanks to the brothers and sisters of the Morning Dew group, and the Plum Village sister who facilitated our group, Than Ngim if not mistaken? Sorry but I could never remember her name properly, though I remember her face very well - I get to learn this song and memorize it very well too. We were "forced and tricked" by sister to prepare a performance voluntarily for the final day, and we ended up deciding we would present this song (with a surprise to the 2nd part of the performance) with mindful moments. This is also one of those songs which stick in my mind, and really helps to give me something to concentrate on when I'd like to concentrate on breathing..

In, out, deep, slow
Calm, ease, smile, release
Present moment
Wonderful moment

Sadhu! :)

~ttg @ Realized Tranquility of the Heart~

May My Mind Turn to Others

2011-12-17T18:09:00.002+08:00

This is a song by Ravenna Michalsen. I like it because of the simple lyrics and tunes

May my mind turn to others
May I not think just of myself

May my mind turn to others
May I not think just of myself

But when I do
May I hold my heart in tenderness

But when I do
May I hold my heart with both hands

Just like I hope to hold all sentient beings

~ttg @ Realized Tranquility of the Heart~

Disconnect vs Detach

2011-12-17T17:50:00.003+08:00

According to Bhante Kumara, these two words have different meanings, as given in the simile below. Apologies as I might have diverted from the original version, as I wasn't paying full attention:

A meditator went to a retreat wanting to not to feel her leg. I supposed this is because she wanted to cut off the uneasiness in her legs which might appear after sitting still for too long). This is disconnection, but how can you cut off something which is part of yourself and then expect that this will lead you to enlightenment quicker? If that's the case, does that mean that blind people, deaf people, disabled people would have higher chances to gain enlightenment quicker? The Buddha also did not cut off his dissatisfaction, he embraces it. Same with feelings, we cannot selectively choose our feelings, like we want to feel only joy, happiness, and not feel sorrow and pain. If we selectively cut off something from ourselves, that's when we feel "incomplete" because we cut something out.

Detachment, on the other hand, is recognizing all things and feelings and yet not attached to it.. and this is the purpose of meditation.. knowing what is there and letting it be, not letting it bind us.

~ttg @ Realized Tranquility of the Heart~

Mobile status updates

2011-12-14T01:17:00.003+08:00

I've thought about this on several occasions, when I thought about:
- Why should I buy iPhone or other smartphones? Should I give myself the opportunity to stay connected all the time, and the opportunity to be addicted to being connected? On the other hand, when I'm traveling, the ability to get instant information via 3G would be nice.. I can live without it, but well, the thought of having it is still nice..
- Why do people buy iPad? To have something to do all the time, to be able to play games, to surf the web and to stay connected? Do I want such lifestyle?
- Why do people tweet? To share their thoughts whenever something comes to them? If I have an account, how much time would I spend to follow people's posts? How many people would I subscribe to? If I have a smartphone, will I also tweet all the time? Sometimes, is it better for me to hold my words, give myself time to think through them, before I respond verbally or on paper/web? Usually when I allow things to pass.. they pass and I forgets about them.. I need to balance between remembering vs attaching and mindfully reflect on something vs forgetting things completely

Right now, my work and my lifestyle allows me not to stay connected all the time. I feel attracted to smartphones and constant connectivity now and then, and when I reflected more, I usually do not need them so I'll let it be that way first.. till the real need appears for me to have these gadgets.. I pray that I have the wisdom to use these gadgets wisely when the time comes!

~ttg @ Realized Tranquility of the Heart~

Practicing the Way with the people closest to you

2011-12-13T22:18:00.002+08:00

I find that this is a great challenge. One may think that because they're closest to you and because you love them, it will be easy to maintain a good attitude with them and it will be easier to have a harmonious relationship with these people compared to the people you are not so close to.

However, because we are so attached to them, they represent part of us. The more the reason to love them? Right and wrong.. right because it's easier to have the feeling that you want them, you want to possess them and you thought you love them. Wrong because, when they represent part of you, everything they do is you.. including the wrong things which you think is wrong and would never allow yourself to do. So we try to make them behave like us, and because every person is "unique because of previous conditions", this mindset to have everyone think about right and wrong in the same way - is not possible.

I find that I have to revert to the 4 brahma viharas very often to handle my emotions - using compassion when they fail to understand they are wrong, using equanimity when they just will not change and continue to behave the way they do, using love to accept them because they are people closest to me.. and using joy to rejoice in the things that make them happy (but not necessarily will make me happy) - and to have lots of patience...

I am full of gratitude for the chance to attend the Retreat with friends at Wat Cetawan, with Ven Buddharakhita, it really helps me tremendously in dealing with relationships.

~ttg @ Realized Tranquility of the Heart~

Someday List

2011-12-12T22:29:00.002+08:00

In one of the recent Simple Dollar newsletters, it discussed about the Someday List, i.e. things that we thought we will do someday. I had a wish list which I've created several years back, but when I read this post, I'll write down something today.. which I think looks a bit different from my wish list:
1. Compile my own devotion book, containing verses for puja, meditation ideas, quotes, sutras, parittas, songs, etc.
2. Organize a mini concert (hmm, this is a pretty big project for myself, which I have "fear" in doing cause it involves a performance. But I thought it would be quite nice to have a few friends and myself to perform)
3. Clean-up and donate old books, magazines, old souvenirs, clothers, etc - I really should aim to lessen the things I own.
4. Have friends gathering to play games.. something I used to like to do when I was younger but I always have difficulty to find friends, maybe it's because I never look for such friends seriously?
5. Learn to cook......
6. Create a mini library? Instead of donating perhaps I could create my very own mini library, and encourage friends to contribute? If I have the time and money, another idea I have is to turn this library into a sort of fund raising for charity - i.e. I'll do a book rental service, but all deposits will go to charity. First of all I have to learn to let go of my personal collection, which I think I have too much sentiment for.

I think that's about it.. I'll visit the list from time to time.. and I think I do turn to do things in this list when I feel like I need something to work on - which is why I'm pretty happy that shopping is not one of my favourite passtime activity!

~ttg @ Realized Tranquility of the Heart~

Why Did I Formally Take Refuge in the Triple Gem and the Five Precepts?

2011-12-04T17:33:00.002+08:00

It's because of many factors:
1. I had the advantage of learning about Theravada Buddhism since the age of 15, from the Brickfields 1996 School Holiday Dhamma Camp. I had learned to take refuge since then, or rather the chanting ritual of taking refuge, which I would do once a year or whenever I attend Buddhist camps.
2. I came across a book by Master Sheng Yen of Dharma Drum Mountain, "Why Take Refuge in the Three Jewels" - which at first turned me off because the book mentions that those who do not take the three jewels formally are not real Buddhists, but still I continued to read the book till the end, and I like how it explains the inter-connection between the three jewels, and I read it again this year.
3. This year, I also had the opportunity to attend the training on Buddha Puja led by Datuk Dr Victor Wee, and also Bro Nee Wern. I saw the ritual in a different perspective, I like it, and I started to do my own daily Buddha puja using the leader's text. Today, I will still do a simple daily puja consisting of paying reverence to the Buddha, taking refuge in the triple gem, and taking the five precepts (or using my own version of the five enobling virtues / aspirations).
4. A friend once told me, that at minimum, a Buddhist should take refuge and five precepts on daily basis, and that whenever he runs into trouble, he will look back to the 3 refuges. I remember what he said,and I was curious with his practice of going back to the 3 refuges whenever he needs an answer to life's problems, but I didn't really practise it seriously back then.
5. Somehow, the combination of the few factors above, transformed into a kind of faith in the Triple Gem this year, which also prompted me to study a few sutra texts.
6. I've also been "craving" for many years to have my own Buddhist name. I call it craving because it was influenced by other people. I see other people have it, and I wanted one too for myself.. To be honest I think I wanted it more for the reason of having what others have, rather than for any other more beneficial reasons.
7. The Plum Village Retreat in Genting, finally provided the conditions for the seeds to grow. It offers the participants a chance to take the 5 Mindfulness Trainings, which is actually the 5 precepts, in a formal manner. Not much background is given about this ceremony, but we learn a bit about it from the form we need to fill up, and Brother Canon also kindly explains what we need to fill in for each field and the importance of providing our commitments and aspirations for taking the 5MT, so that it helps the Dharma teachers to give us a suitable Dharma name, which will help us in our practice.

I happily took the opportunity to register for the transmission ceremony, happy to be able to take this formally, as I believe it will enhance and deepen my faith and devotion. It's also funny that I find it normal to use "faith and devotion" in Buddhism now, I used to see Buddhism as a philosophy and I would identify faith and devotion to religions with god/god(s). I was of course also very happy that I will finally get my own Buddhist / Dharma name! A few people I spoke to, wasn't ready to take it, and I think perhaps they aren't ready to commit to it. Well, this is based on my own perception combined with what I've read of why some people are not willing to take the 5 precepts formally. Anyway, nevermind, each being will act to his own karma.. which is ok..

The night before the 5MT, we had the ceremony for the 14MT for 6 other brothers and sisters, which I have to admit, looks a bit scary. So much of kneeling and standing up and bowing.. I hope 5MT will be of less ceremonious...

That morning, I tried to reach our meditation hall before 6am, so that I won't be late for the 5MT. I find that there were 9 cushions in the middle, 6 already taken.. and I was like.. oh dear, so few people are taking the 5MT? But since I was determined and I have registered, I took my place.. and it was right at the front row. Then it began, the chanting followed by the transmission ceremony which is equally ceremonious as the 14MT, the only difference is the number of mindfulness trainings we take.

I sweated so much during the ceremony.. I think I might have felt anxious, I was seated at the front row, and I thought there's only 9 of us, and I was conscious that I will usually sweat when I feel anxious. After going through the initial opening verses, when the monks and nuns on both sides, together with the rest of the participants chant the Heart Sutra, that was when I was really sweating profusely.. which actually doesn't make that much sense. I have calmed down a bit by then, but I still feel the heat, and I was just wondering why am I sweating so much? CA told me later it could be due to the energy generated from the chanting, and those who are receiving the transmissions are right in the middle.. And after this part, my sweating lessens and my body temperature decreases, or I find it cooler after sweating it out.. well, it could be for various reasons to explain why I sweated so much during this part of the ceremony.

So we had the ceremony, and when it's over, when I stood up and turned back, I realized there were about 50 of us taking the 5MT... it wasn't only me! The rest have either arrived slightly later or taken their places in the middle after I did so. We then took our certs from our group faci.. in my group, Morning Dew, besides me there were 5 other people, all from one family, which is actually amazing, I would think it's indeed a very auspicious event for the whole family to take the 5MT together.

The Dharma name I've been given is "Realized Tranquility of the Heart", which I like very much.. could be due to my aspiration for peace, or because I stated too many aspirations / commitments, that the teacher(s) decided that I would benefit from realizing tranquility of the heart :) Thank you for the name!

~ttg @ Realized Tranquility of the Heart~

Perceptions

2011-12-04T16:14:00.002+08:00

In the recent conversations I've had, I've noticed how frequent we judge something based on our own perceptions. We make comments on why people do something, we say that something is good, we say that something is bad, we we think what we do not like is also what is not liked by everyone else, we think people will like what we like, we make "statements" which we honestly think are true, but in face everything is really based on our own judgment and perception.

How would we know that something is purely a perception and not a fact? Most of the time we will not know especially when dealing with our own perceptions. But I think it's worthwhile to make a start by looking at how we disagree with what other people say, and try to undertstand the underlying cause of where that statement comes from. I think you will agree with me that the most people honestly believe that what they say is true, but you may know it's not true because you might have seen beyond what they see. By trying to have this understanding, I think it would help when looking back at our own statements and be aware of why people may not agree with us.

I'd like to quote this statement from CA - who has quoted it from some Dharma master, but I couldn't remember who.. When one is enlightened, the things which are preached by that person is all facts and truth and reflects the reality, with no personal perceptions and feelings involved. He said that this statement is very profound, I'd like to say that I concur with it..

~ttg @ Realized Tranquility of the Heart~

Shall We Take A Picture?

2011-12-03T23:55:00.002+08:00

Today, at a friend's wedding - I had the joy to see long time friends from the IDC camp, friends whom I've made back in the 17th IDC, which I think was in 2001 or 2002, almost a decade of friendship by now.

We were happy to take picture with the bride, and one of our friends who came late says that nevermind lar, no need to take picture. And my response to him was, you take the picture not for yourself, but for the bride, as she will be happy to have taken the picture with every one of her guests.

After I said that, I was surprised. Did I really say that? I am so happy! I think I am one of those who at times would be "camera shy" either because of the trouble to get other people to take a picture together with me, or because I just felt lazy to "queue" for the picture. However, I know that when I said this, it was really for the sake of someone else and not myself - why we should take pictures - as sometimes it's really because the person whom we asked to take picture with, will feel happy to oblige, and I think (from my personal standpoint) - would feel appreciated too..

I know that by thinking of this thought, that I've had good thoughts, is also a sort of pride, but well.. I'm just very happy that I actually had this moment of good thought..

~ttg @ Realized Tranquility of the Heart~

Singing Bowl

2011-12-03T15:35:00.003+08:00

I am fascinated by my singing bowl. I have purchased the "bell" from the recent Plum Village retreat in Genting, and then remembered that it's also called a "singing bowl". Years ago, I think when I was still in secondary school, while waiting to meet up with friends at Central Market, I wandered into a shop selling traditional music instruments. I can only remember didgeridoo and singing bowl now, because the shop owner showed me how to play these 2 instruments, eventhough he knew I won't be able to buy them, I was a schoolgirl at that time.

Somehow, the term "singing bowl" came back to me, and I googled it up.. and I am really fascinted with the way it works. By just pressing the mallet against the rim, it can produce such loud and strong vibration! And later on I discovered that there will be intervals when the vibration is stronger which produce real bell striking sounds, and I thought from the MP3s I heard yesterday, I thought the player alternates between moving the mallet and striking the bowl.

Just now, I also watched a video from YouTube about "charging the water" using singing bowl.. wow.. fantastic. I think I'll try it out now and read and learn more about it too..

~ttg @ Realized Tranquility of the Heart~

Karma

2011-12-02T14:43:00.002+08:00

Every moment, I see things unfolding as if fruits are ripening as a result of seeds that I've planted (mostly unconsciously) in the past. I say that it was inconscious because there are so many things which have happened, which I can now trace back to the seed, but which I know, at the time of planting the seed, I would never have thought the result would be like this. Therefore there's not a moment which is dull. I constantly look deeply at the manifestations in me and around me, and look for new learnings and plant good seeds.

In the past few months, I find that there have been a lot of wonderful things happening to me, and I suspect that this is because I am starting to see and notice the present and truly enjoy and appreciates it.
- I've met the lounge pianist in Mumbai, who inspired me about music and improvisation and how to live life
- I've been to the ISKCON temple in Juhu, and I was happy to received the blessing from the Master, who also gave me a bouquet of roses (just 3 roses, with basil leaves), which gave me great pleasure to photograph and to see it every day in my hotel room
- I've had a funny dinner in Beijing on the last day of my trip there, a free meal which handled in such a weird way and which isn't really effective from my POV, but nonetheless provided a great deal of entertainment for us to see how they handled it
- I've been to the Plum Village retreat, which gives me very fuzzy feeling of how I felt about it. I actually felt that it's almost like a cult. After the retreat, I find that I'm drawn to the practice in numerous ways, again in an unconscious manner - I am starting to use the short songs when reflecting on the moment. I used breathing in breathing out when I felt anxious for a business presentation. I used living joyfully concept to transform the fear of the presentation, into excitement and gratitude to have the chance to be involved in the presentation. I also find myself promoting the practice and the retreat in almost the exact same manner like how others have spoken to me at the retreat, which made me felt like it's a cult and yet I can't help speaking of it in the same way!
- I've been to Singapore, after finally letting go of my SG number and the associated memories. I also found my cab driver a Buddhist, and he tried to introduce Buddhism concepts such as impermanence, suffering, letting go, "yuan", without knowing that I was a Buddhist myself. Then, when I told him I'm also a practicing Buddhist, he shared about the Heart Sutra, that it's very benefitical to chant it.. and that's the sutra which really "burned" me during the transmission of 5MT at the plum village retreat. When it was being chanted, I was sweating profusely and not able to help it.. but soon after it ended, my body cooled down. Recalling what Elizabeth Gilbert said about her morning chant - I reflected in the same manner.. it actually burns away the hindrances in me..
- Going back to the quote at the beginning of this post, I find that the things which are happening now are all linked to my past action, I am encountering them now because of the seeds I've planted - amituofo (quoting the SG cab driver about "yuan")

ttg

The Greatest Prayer is Patience

2011-11-22T17:18:00.002+08:00

I need to build on my patience credits in my emotional bank. Just now, when I was frustrated (I could feel my blood boiling), before I started to think of who I can reach out to, to vent out my frustration - I thought about the prayers I have recited yesterday. Do not speak of others' wrong doings or weaknesses; to inspire others to act with confidence.. so somehow I took a breath, calm down and turn to Google to search for "prayer for patience Buddhist".

I found several webpages and blogs with this quote: The greatest prayer is patience - which is attributed to have been quoted by the Buddha.

I think this is a truly great quote.. in times like this, I need patience to forgive, patience to guide and patience to understand.. which is very hard to practice straight away in such a situation, but which I know, from experience, would have been the path I would have chosen when I looked back at how I have reacted in all past moments of anger and frustrations..

So I pray for patience..

~ttg~

Metta Sutta

2011-11-04T10:55:00.003+08:00

I learned this version at the retreat last weekend. Then I remember I have a set of files for chanting from The Buddhist Society of Western Australia, and Metta Sutta is part of the files!

As I could not find a proper text online with the pronounciation, I've typed it out as below. I especially like the part

Radiating \kindness over /the en\ti/re world:
Spreading upwards to the \skies,
And /down/wards /to \the depths;

Enjoy...

Notes: / signifies lowering the pitch, \ signifies raising the pitch, indicates a slight emphasis.

This is what should /be done
By one /who is \skilled in /good-ness,
And who knows the /path of peace:

Let them /be able and \upright,
/Straight-forward and gen\tle /in speech.
Humble and not con/cei-ted,
/Con-tented and \ea-sily /sa-tisfied.

Not burden with /du-ties and frugal \in /their ways.
Peaceful and calm, /and wise and \skil-ful,
/Not proud and de\man-ding in /nature.

Let them not /do the \slight/est thing
That /the wise would la\ter /re-prove.

Wishing: In gladness /and in \safety,
May /all beings \be /happy.
Whatever li/ving beings there /may be;
Whether /they are \weak /or strong, o/mit-ting none,
The great or the /might-y,
medium, \short /or small,
The seen and the /un-seen,
Those living near and \far /a-way,
Those born and /to \be born
May /all beings \be /happy.

Let none de/ceive /a/no-ther,
Or /despise a/ny being in \a/ny state.
Let none through anger or /ill-will
Wish \harm upon a/no-ther.

Even as /a mother protects with /her life
Her child, her /on\ly child,
So with a \boundless heart
Should /one cherish all \li/ving beings;
Radiating \kindness over /the en\ti/re world:
Spreading upwards to the \skies,
And /down/wards /to \the depths;
Outwards and un/bound-ed,
Freed from \ha\tred and /ill -will.

Whether standing or /walk-ing, seated or \ly/ing down
Free from /drow-siness,
One should /sus-tain this /re-col\lec-tion.

This is said /to be /the sub\lime a/bi-ding.

By not holding to /false views,
/The pure \heart/ed one,
having clarity of /vi-sion,
Being freed /from all \sense desires
Is not \born \a-gain in/to this world.

~ttg~

My Prayer Beads

2011-11-03T20:30:00.005+08:00

This is my customized prayer beads made from a hand bracelet of crystal and rose quartz, an amethyst and a fortune cat :)

The meanings of the colours (http://crystal-cure.com/color-meanings.html)
Purple: Purple is the color of good judgment. It is the color of people seeking spiritual fulfillment. It is said if you surround yourself with purple you will have peace of mind.

Put some violet in your life when you want:
- to use your imagination to its fullest
- to re-balance your life
- to remove obstacles
- to calm overactivity or to energize from depression

Pink: Pink is the color of universal love. Pink is a quiet color. Lovers of beauty favor pink

Put some pink in your life when you want:
- calm feelings
- to neutralize disorder
- relaxation
- acceptance, contentment

White: White is the color of purity. It stands for wholeness and completion. In many cultures it represents openness and truth. White has a cold quality. It can provide clarity as its energy is complete. It holds the potential to move toward every other color and this makes it a good choice for new beginnings, and development in any direction.

Put some white in your life when you want:
- to clear clutter and obstacles away
- to start a fresh beginning
- to bring about mental clarity
- purification of thoughts or actions

~ttg~

Prayer Beads

2011-11-02T20:34:00.003+08:00

I was googling for The Seven Whispers by Christina Baldwin, and came across this website which links the seven whispers to story beads, i.e. using this as a prayer for a set of seven beads. This website contains a link to Sacred Strands for prayer beads, and from here it leads on to more websites. Here are the websites I've visited:
Story Beads: http://www.story-beads.com/cart.php?target=category&category_id=260
Sacred Strands: http://sacredstrands.weebly.com/index.html
(and a few others)

This really inspires me to use my prayer beads, and to use my hand bracelet (with beads) in a more meaningful way. In fact, I've now just re-beaded a bracelet of clear white and pink crystals, because its original elastic string snapped :( Pink symbolizes love, so I'm planning to use it to practice the four brahma viharas :) The more I look at it, the happier I am! I am also planning to take it to India, let my Buddy bear wear it (oh I've just given my Buddy bear a bath!!). And it's small enough to be used on the plane.. so I'm pretty excited right now that a lot of things are linking up and kind of falling into place :)

~ttg~

Are there unseen beings?

2011-10-31T22:57:00.003+08:00

In the tea session with Ajahn Buddharakkhita, he mentioned that there are a lot of unseen beings in one of the places he stayed at. But he likes that place.

Later I asked CA, can he / the monks really see or feel the presence of unseen beings? Then we went for a tour round Wat Cetawan.. When we reached the main shrine, I picked up a book, quite a thick texts about Buddhism, and flipped through, the first section I came to (which is in the middle of the book), is about unseen beings, explaning how can one know that there is/are unseen beings in one's dwelling..

Ok, this is getting a bit creepy even as I typed this, but I think.. our thoughts are really powerful.. If we want to learn something, if we want something, it will come to us in some ways. So make good use of our thoughts. What you think, you become..

~ttg~

The Three Wives

2011-10-31T22:35:00.004+08:00

I had this dream yesterday. So here goes the story:

I opened up my secondary school yearbook (wasn't my year, it's either before or after. It feels like after my year though, but it looks a bit old, maybe I am very old at the time when I read it?). I flipped through the pages, and saw that my secondary school for girls, have engaged quite a number of male teachers! One of them is a Mr Broman.

Mr Broman set up a club, something like a theater club? And his main topic is a play of a man with 3 wives, and I think the objective of his club is to teach the students how to become good wives. I do not know if I read about the play, or I actually have the chance to see it.

So this Mr Broman has 3 wives, one is sweet, one is sour, and one is a bitter angry lady. One of the scene had him coming back for dinner, and his pretty sweet wife (supposed to look like Zhang ZiYi but isn't her) - serves him dinner, smiling a very sweet smile. This sweet wife is not very ladylike though, the way she eats her food is like a poor person who hasn't eaten for days. However, Mr Broman thinks that this is a good thing to see his wife enjoying the food. I woke up here.

Strangely.. I thought I should do a short meditation. As I do the meditation, I thought about this strange little dream.. I thought of my recent (and first) retreat about the 4 Brahma Viharas (I finally googled up what they mean, the 4 divine abodes!). It suddenly strike me, this sweet wife, and Mr Broman's attitude to the wife, is like a man cultivating mudita! To be appreciative of other's goodness, and the second and third wife... are like opportunities to practise karuna and metta! I can't help but to open my eyes at this point, a bit shocked at the connection of the three wives with the 3 brahma viharas, the subject of the meditation..

Having pondered a bit further, this is my analysis.
1. The first wife is sweet, and is a change for us to practive mudita, appreciative joy or symphatetic joy.
2. The second wife is sour, perhaps not very enlightened and therefore has bad habits and not happy. Therefore it is important to have karuna or compassion to this wife.
3. The third wife is angry, and as the Buddha has thought, the way to conquer anger is via loving kindness (metta).
4. How to have a harmonious household with 3 wives? There should be equanimity (upekha) to all.

And then.. having thought about this for a while, I also linked it to the 4 hindrances:
1. We can easily be attached to something which is good, so this might cause greed to arise. And the way to counter greed, is to appreciate the goodness in other people and do not crave to want it for ourselves.
2. When someone is sour, that person might have a lot of cravings, jealousy, ill-will, cannot see the true nature of things i.e. suffering, and thus not happy. And they are not happy because they are ignorant or they have delusion. Therefore we must have compassion for these people.
3. A bitter and angry person has a lot of ill-will and hatred. So we must conquer hatred by love.
4. If we are not clear of what is the truth, we will be in fear. So we must have the correct understanding and look at all things with equanimity.

After this dream.. I went back to bed happily :)

~ttg~

Ridiculously funny

2011-10-25T23:44:00.001+08:00

Some things are so ridiculous that you might feel frustrated at first, but looking back, the whole affair is just ridiculous to the point that it's funny. Maybe it's because the steam has been released and there's no energy left to feel frustrated.

~ttg~

Thoughts about Steering Wheel

2011-10-23T17:47:00.003+08:00

I am reading a book by Edward De Bono, How to Have a Beautiful Mind. I've started reading since about two months ago, but have been stopping now and then to read and do other things. Anyway, today I continued reading several pages and did a small little exercise as suggested. I've run through the little speech verbally and I thought it came up pretty interesting, so I would try to reconstruct it here. If you're reading this, tell me if you agree! Be honest, as this will help me to improve!

A steering wheel is often associated with a vehicle, a car. Where else would it appear in? Since it's to steer something, I think it would appear in a person too. To steer a person's thoughts, and motives. Probably every being and every thing needs a steering wheel. For example, in a person, we need to have a wheel to tell us where to go and what to do, and who is directing this? The mind.

What if a house have steering wheel? Does it make sense? Hmm, maybe not really. A house doesn't need to move, it is static. Well, unless you talk about the things in the house, like a kettle, it does have a small steering wheel, even if it's just and on and off button. So maybe, a house as a whole has plenty of little steering wheels in it because it houses so many things, including us! Perhaps a house with a steering wheel of its own would make sense one day.. like.. it can move like a caravan? A moving house? Wow.. but in today's world, it might be a disaster. There's not much space around especially in the urban area, we might run into each other steering something as big as a house, and there's legistation on what land belongs to who.. and think about an apartment! Who's going to steer it? The building owner? And all those occupants of each unit would have to comply, I think, otherwise how to move as one? Hey, that sounds like a human. A master mind is moving all the little organs.. and everyone need to "follow" so that a person and its mental and physical facultires are in harmony, and then we can function. If there's no mind, no apartment, no us? Since no mind to steer things, then there is no thing?

Maybe every thing can have a steering wheel. Just now (in my verbal speech), I thought of an excel sheet. It has a steering wheel alright, all the command menus and buttons. Perhaps a little too many, and will require us to learn before we can use it. So what's a good steering wheel? Something simple and easy to learn. Simple as in a vehicle steering wheel: move left, move straight or stay still. But in this case. An excel sheet cannot be as simple as that, it does need to have some more buttons, so perhaps it meets the second criteria here "easy to learn" - at least it is quite intuitive.. but still, something that Microsoft must have had in mind already, how to make it simple and easy?

Also.. I was thinking, a steering wheel cannot make things move on its own. It needs to have an "actioner" - which is the person / mind, and it needs something to feed on, like fuel in a car. Without the actioner and the food, it cannot function, and of course it cannot function without the vehicles and parts! For there would be nothing to move!

In conclusion to my rambling thoughts above:
(1) Steering wheel is not only associated with machines, its concept applies to almost (if not all), of beings and objects.
(2) A steering wheel can control many different sub-steering wheels, or it can control different objects. So all these sub wheels need to work in harmony in order for something to function, or a steering wheel needs to be powerful enough to do a job on its own.
(3) A good steering wheel is simple and easy/intuitive to learn.
(4) A steering wheel cannot exist on its own, it needs to come with the actioner/driver, fuel/food and all other parts of what it's supposed to move.

That's all, my thoughts of a steering wheel.

~ttg~

Facebook Games

2011-10-22T17:23:00.002+08:00

Recently I am visiting my Sunshine Cafe in Restaurant City everyday. About two weeks ago, I was quite tempted to put an end to it because I realised it's taking quite a big chunk of my time. However, I didn't do it, because I think it's not a matter of the distraction, but my own will to control how much time I'm putting into something, in this case, entertainment. But I also realised that I am like Gretchen Rubin, it's either 0 or 1. I either do something or I don't do something completely.. anyway, I guess my craving is still quite strong as I'm unwilling to lose my beautiful restaurant now..

So, yesterday, a thought struck me. I'm visiting it everyday to collect free ingredients and to ask and send ingredients with my fellow RC friends. I think I missed a day last week when I forgot to ask for ingredients and I felt that I've lost a day!

Another thought struck me at this moment, what if I can have the same attitude on other things like my spiritual practice. If I lost a day of practice, time won't replay, it means I just lost it. Or if I apply the same attitude in study, in life, in everything. Every day, every moment counts - if we can make full use of each moment, knowing which, if we do, we will accumulate what we want, and if we don't, it will just passed by and will never return.

So, to my friends (current and new if you happen to stumble upon this little post of mine from the World Wide Web), be diligent in all your endeavours!

~ttg~

I Have A Dream

2011-10-18T23:02:00.003+08:00

Yay, I found a new project that I want to do! Here is the project details in bullet points:

Project:
Buddhist pocket handbook which serves as a "Bible", as a guide to right living, a refuge, a treasure of wise words.

Inspired by:
(1) The pocket bible by Gideons International. I received this back in my school days when we were preparing for PMR. You see, my secondary school was a legacy missionary school, but this is probably the only time they asked all non-Muslim students to participate in such a missionary talk to prepare for exams, and handed out this little booklet. I like it because of the esthetics part of it. I also used to like to collect quotations, so I read the Bible to scout for quotations that I like.
(2) The Buddha Puja booklet by Datuk Dr Victor Wee. After I attended the training for puja leaders, I started to explore this puja book. The more I use it, the more I like it.
(3) 108 Adages of Wisdom by Master Sheng Yan. It contains Buddhist quotes in Chinese, which I've copied 2 times in handwriting, for the four available series.

What I'll need to do:
(1) Continue to scout for materials I want to compile into this booklet
(2) Find out how to make the booklet and also design it.
(3) Pick and choose which rendition of sutta, and if I want to include just the english version, or the pali/english/chinese version.
- I am kind of doing all 3 things at the same time. I know I should be prioritizing and this will create double work. But I'm just excited about the whole thing!

I think that's it. So my project is to create a small Buddhist bible/handbook which I can carry around and flip open especially when I'm traveling. I always have this image of flipping it open on the place or in the hotel. It gives me a "safe" feeling to be able to have this little booklet with me wherever I go. I supposed, I am looking for a refuge in the triple gem.

I started compiling the materials in Treepad, I think about one month back, and it has given me a lot of pleasurable hours typing out the texts that I like, and as a result, it has prompted me to read more sutras and do some pali chanting too.

This is a beneficial project. It springs from a few seeds and I am quite certain it will be the seed for many good things to come!! I feel happy blogging about this too.. ahh, that's another inspiration I left out - Gretchen Rubins' Happiness Project. This has inspired me a lot to look out (consciously and unconsciously) for avenues to make myself happy :)

~ttg~

Insights

2011-06-15T23:16:00.002+08:00

Something happened today, and a lot has happened lately, which prompts me to reach certain conclusions, or insights. These may be trivial findings but they are breakthroughs in my thinking, so to me, they are rightfully termed as "insights".

I haven't visited this blog for long. The lotus plant in my backyard has long been destroyed - a result of ego, wrong understanding, wrong thoughts and wrong action. However, I believe the spirit of the lotus lives on. I have planted a seed and it will continue to grow as long as I do not kill it completely. The seed I've planted is the seed to rise from muddiness, to expel ignorance. I believe it's still growing, maybe it has seasons. It blossoms when the conditions allow it to blossom, it withers when it does not receive enough care, and it sorts of hibernates when it's waiting for the right conditions for it to blossom again.

I had a dream early last month which relates to this. In my dream, I covered a fake monk, who's my friend. An elderly monk spotted him, asked him something, then turned to me, held my face, rubbed away my sweat (his assistant even commented I sweat a lot!) and then the elderly monk said that my face have a lot of 人. I always think about people when I need to make decisions. My IQ is high. His assistant reiterated, there are a lot of 人 letters underneath my eyes. After that, another lady monk passed by, she said something about what will happen is based on the seeds sowed.

I consider this a highly auspicious dream, which tells me a lot about myself - 人 is my strength and my weakness. I am clever (and I am hindered/supported by the people element. Personally, I think the message is that I should not worry about what other people think or how they would perceive me. I should plan the right seeds and the right results will follow.

Today, someone told me that I should be cautious not to stepped over other people's boundary; as all of us have our own roles and responsibilities. Sometimes we do too much and get blamed for it. I agreed with the person, but for the next hour or two, I found that I was extremely unsettled and wished to consult other people about this. Did I really do something wrong and how should I correct the situation? I realised that there is a fine line between doing beyond duty and keeping to your boundary. The intention is to help, and to treat all beings and all objects in the world as yourself. I'm the world and the world is me. However, how did this ended up that I might have stepped on someone else's tail and might be a dent in our relationship, and I might even get blamed for doing more that what I should do?

I have found my own answer to this now. Do what is right to get the task done. Again, there is the fine line between doing what is right to a person and what is right to the issue. I have chosen the issue for now, and I will live with the consequence. What I should do next is to let go of what has happened and go to bed. Tomorrow will be another day.

I am also worried about this because of reputation, because of how people will view me. Then I realised, reputation is a result. I should be caring about my conduct, and the reputation will follow. The focus should never be reputation as this is just an end result.

(What the hell, it's 11:40pm now and I see my Colleagues going online on Messenger. This is a sign, don't people ever sleep in my organization and is this the organization I want to work in? What value does my organization has and how does it fits into my personal value? I'll have to give a thought to it some day)

One final thing, I've also thought to post this on FB. Then I thought about my desire to share - is this driven by the desire to show that I have discovered something or by the desire I'm sharing for the welfare of others? I think it's more of the former, and I'm not proud of it.. So I'm blogging here, where I know not many people will read, maybe none at all...

ttg

发好愿说好话

2011-01-09T20:01:00.001+08:00

A song from 爱与感恩歌曲集，a book I picked up from a temple in China.

发好愿说好话
发愿要发好愿，说话要说好话。
话多不如话少，话少不如话好！
原谅人是美德，原谅自己是损德。
尊重他人缩小自我，不发脾气声色柔和。
说好话，利人又利己。说坏话，害人又害己。
说错了话伤到别人，又会拦住自己的路哟。
说好话，如口吐莲花。说坏话，如口吐毒蛇。
得理饶人理直气和。欢欢喜喜快快乐乐。

Make Good Wishes, Speak Good Words
When wishing, make good wishes. When speaking, speak good words.
Less words are better than more words; but even better than less words are good words.
Forgiving others is a virtue, however forgiving oneself is a loss (to oneself).
Respect others and reduce the importance of oneself, do not get angry and maintain gentle speech.
Good words will benefit oneself and others, bad words will harm oneself and others.
Wrong words will hurt other people, and block one’s own way.
Good words is like a lotus born from the mouth, bad words is like a poisonous snake expelled from the mouth.
Acquire the truth, be tolerant, be reasonable, and be peaceful. And you will lead a happy life.

智慧书第四段

2011-01-09T19:58:00.002+08:00

I find that my english translation of the chinese version is quite "unprofessional" compared to the original English text, and even loses some of its context.

I wonder if I'm a bad translator. On the other hand, are these what we have to accept of other translations in print? Of novels or sacred texts or news or etc..

004 知识与勇气比重

知识与勇气是成就伟业的必要元素。他们能使人不休，因为它们本身就是不朽的存在。掌握知识的多少是与你的成就成正比的。真正的智者，可以摧枯拉朽，一往无前。无知的人，和瞎子没什么区别。智慧与力量，好比眼睛和双手。而徒有知识却缺乏勇气，最终也是徒劳无货。

My own translation:
004 Knowledge and courage are equally important
Knowledge and courage are the main elements for success. These two qualities can make a person immortal, as their existence themselves are immortal. How much one is able to attain wisdom, is related to the degree of success of oneself. A truly wise person can eliminate withering and delay death, once moving forward there’s no boundary which exists. A fool on the other hand, is of no difference to a blind person. Knowledge and courage, is like one’s eyes and hands. One with only knowledge but lacking in courage, in the end will be pure toil with bearing no fruit.

ttg

智慧书第六段

2011-01-07T22:36:00.004+08:00

我希望我能每天都读一段，然后把它抄几遍。这也足够让我读三百天了，因为总共有三百段。。。

006 做到尽善尽美
没有人生来就是完美的，我们都在不断地通过品行修养来达到更高的境界-纯粹高雅的品位，敏捷丰富的才思，成熟冷静的决断和坚定果敢的意志。一些人永远无法成功，一些人无力摆脱缺点，还有另外的人则总是大器晚成。能达到尽善尽美的人，会谨言慎行，而他们也通常会被同样层次的人所认同，并乐于与为伍。

English
006 A Man at His Highest Point (my own translation based on the chinese version)
There's no one in this world who is born perfect. We are constantly cultivating our personality to achieve a higher realm:
pure and simple elegance in attitude,
quick and rich in imagination and creativeness,
mature and calm in decision making,
firm and daring in will and resolution.
There are some people who are not able to achieve success at all, some who are not able to overcome their weaknesses, and some who has great talents but slow in realizing success.
People who are able to reach the state of complete goodness and perfection, will be cautious and prudent in their speech and action.
They will also be acknowledged by people of similar level and principles, and sought out for their company.

我读的英文版本是Joseph Jacobs翻译的，能在其他网站找到，比如 http://www.sacred-texts.com/eso/aww/aww10.htm

ttg

The Law of Attraction

2010-05-03T22:14:00.002+08:00

I've been spending quite some time on self-help books, the more memorable ones to myself lately are:
- What's the Colour of Your Parachute (2008)
- The Seven Whispers by Christina Baldwin
- The High-Heeled Healer by Ann Marie Woodall
- Simpleology 101

It takes me a long time to finish each, and I haven't really finished each of them. The High Heeled Healer in particular was very interesting. I did almost every one of the suggested exercises in the book. There are numerous times when I surprised myself with what I put down as the answer. I might want to go through the whole book again, and look through the answers again, perhaps describing the transformation it had led me through.

But right now, I just want to speak of a recent incident which I find rather "shocking" in a good way. I was back in Malaysia last weekend, and ripped Chyi's CD - The Unheard of Chyi. Well, just felt like doing it. I've got that CD for a year but had never listened to it.

On last Saturday, I played the songs on my laptop. Then I went to search for her info on the Internet, and I found that she had recorded a buddhist CD in 2004 - Tibetan Mantras, or 佛心 as what the album is known in Chinese. This caught my attention, as how all buddhist mantras caught my attention. So I downloaded the songs from Baidu. It contains mantras like 大悲咒 and 南无观世音菩萨. On last Friday & Saturday, I also did metta meditation, after stopping for almost 1 year.

Ok.. then on Sunday, we (my colleagues and myself) were supposed to go to Xikou. When I reached their hotel, one of them suddenly changed her mind and we all agreed to go to Putuo Shan. On the way there, I learned that Putuo Shan is one of the 4 main mountains for Buddhist pilgrimage in China; Putuo Shan is for Guan Yin.

I felt like.. this is too much of a coincidence. I must have been having the Buddha and his teachings in my heart all these while, planting Buddhist seeds now and then.. that I deserve to see Guan Yin in such an unplanned circumstance..

I'll continue to plant the seeds..

~ttg~

Dream

2010-05-03T22:07:00.002+08:00

I woke up sometime last week, with this message very clear in my memory. I was staying in an old inn, and I received a message, as below:

There are friends who have arrived
These are those who require your attention

The language is kind of "antique". But I haven't really figured out if this message is of any significance to my life right now? Perhaps I should take note of any "newcomers" in my life, and pay special attention to them..

~ttg~

Customer Service

2010-05-03T21:53:00.002+08:00

A very basic rule of customer service is to treat everyone with equal treatment.

Today, someone (in Ningbo, China) lost a customer because the customer made a remark - your shoes are pretty expensive, is there a reason? The salesperson thought that the customer wants to bargain, and changed her attitude almost immediately. Saying that this is a special price, you can walk around and see if you can find anything of this prize and the size you want. The customer walked away. The customer was me.

Well, I didn't dress that well, just in jeans and t-shirt as I was staying nearby. Probably she thought I'm kind of poor to dress like that since this is city centre. But, I stayed just like 2 corners away, less than 5 minutes walk and I just walked out to get dinner, and I wanted to grab a pair of shoes. I had prepared money to spend, and I wanted to buy a pair of shoes. She just lost a customer with that kind of attitude. I ended up buying from her neighbour, a pair of shoes of the same price. Though the design is not as nice, and there were quite a number of better looking designs but my size was no longer available, the salesgirl mad a sincere effort to check out the sizes and the designs for me. I was happy, and I bought from her.

In China, the customer is the king. People imitates the designs very fast - whatever was in fashion, or whatever is on sale, pretty soon the whole street will carry the same designs. No wonder the Chinese people don't really care if they offend the sellers, because they know there'll always be better bargains out there, possibly better.

~ttg~

Sitting lounge at near Gate C31, KLIA

2009-10-08T22:24:00.002+08:00

I'm now waiting for flight 3K688 (Jetstar), which has been delayed for 2 hours. Like me, there are 2 other people who are using laptops.. it's quite surprising how the world changes. 15 years ago I was in high school learning about Lotus, Word & DB. 10 years ago I was in university with a non-wifi laptop. 5 years ago wifi laptop was an in-thing, and now, almost every laptop in the market would be equipped with wifi.

Today seems to be a busy day in KLIA, quite unexpected. I thought the crowd is usually from Friday night to Mon morning - but recent travels in the middle of the week prove me wrong. Nowadays flying is so convenient, comparing to how the days have been in the past, when flying is a luxury.

I'm looking forward to 5 years later, 10 years later.. etc, I'd love to see how the world changes until the day I leave this world..

Talking about leaving this world, I wonder how I would feel then, would I feel as if I've fulfilled what I need to do, or would I feel regret?

ttg

It's Been A While

2009-09-13T01:25:00.003+08:00

It's been a while since I've last blogged. How time flies, and how everything seems to be so distant and so dreamlike - it feels so vague that I am doubting if things happened?

It's been one year since we started the project, and the whole thing has kind of ended now, at least for our team. Everyone has moved on. Took me some time to move on too, but I guess I am moving on right now.

My one week leave has allowed me to fill in some pieces in life's never-ending jigsaw puzzle. I also learned that when an aspiration is made, it will be answered someday, perhaps not in the way we have expected, but the answer revealed will be more profound.

Some lessons learned:
- Forgive myself and others, and move on
- I can't control the way people act, react, feel, etc; but I can control my actions, thoughts and speech.
- Difficult people are everywhere - they should not be the reason for a change/escape. Unless I learn how to deal with them, no number of changes will be sufficient
- I need to give more care and love to myself. I do not need to think I'm doing things on behalf of others. This is not selfishness, if I do not care for myself I will not have the capacity to care for others.
- If I do not know what to expect, what the final result should be - then I should fall on the next best guidance - intention. At least get my conscience and intention right, act based on the intention, and let life present the final result

Lastly, however bitter the answer I am getting now, somehow I know it's the answer to the prayer I made to Guan Yin, at Le Shan in Chengdu. It has indeed been a difficult journey to arrive at such "ending/answer".

Well, my advice to myself - remember what I asked for, remember my intention, and I will see the reason behind the answers...

ttg

Peaceful

2009-05-10T03:32:00.001+08:00

I'm feeling a bit of peace now although I do not know why...

ttg

Happy Labour Day

2009-05-01T18:02:00.002+08:00

How I've been spending the day so far:
1. Went to MPH Warehouse Sales at Bangunan TH, Jalan 13/4, PJ
2. Tried out GPS to get to Jalan 13/4 :D
3. Bought 6 books
4. Brought my parents to eat Teochew mee sua
5. Came home and finished reading A Thousand Splendid Suns
6. Slept for a couple of hours
7. Woke up and regret why I didn't buy "Chronicles of Narnia" set which costs only RM95?
8. Went online, went facebooking - updated bookshelf, visit my fluff pet Little Xiang
9. After this plan to read more :)

ttg

Decision

2009-03-29T01:06:00.001+08:00

Well... it's quite a clear cut decision to be made. Situation 1 forced me to be in Situation 2. So Situation 2 is not what I want - but I'm in it to make up for Situation 1. What should I do? Get rid of both... now... how should I proceed with this........

ttg

Breaking

2009-03-11T00:22:00.001+08:00

Things just have to happen all at the same time... I don't know how much longer I can stand....

ttg

Wishing for peace of mind

2009-03-01T06:09:00.002+08:00

Been slogging through work for the past 3 weeks, and going through another change in life (or more specifically in my job), whether I am prepared for it or not.

Waiting for someone's comment on the pack now, I'm sure it won't be good, sigh... I'm kind of feeling "stagnant" right now... I don't want the clock to tick... I don't want to move forward, cause it's all WORK when the clock ticks... How I wish that time would just stop... how I wish I can be somewhere just on my own, with my own thoughts... no work commitment, no work, perhaps not even friends? I don't really know... I just feel... empty (unfortunately it's not the Nibbana type of empty!)

ttg

Stop Comparing, Stop Judging, Stop Striving, Stop Thinking of I

2008-12-27T23:44:00.001+08:00

(I will work on the "positives of the negatives" above, later... else it may end up as a Pink Elephant syndrome, but right now I just want to write on the stops above)

These are things which I realized in the past couple of days... in fact, it's really past couple of days... things that I realized since Friday morning till now.

Stop Comparing
I bought some books from PageOne in HK, for HKD300 - and I realized I can buy the same set of books for RM60 here. Well, what's done is done... I felt "something" because I have made a loss in the transaction. But I guess I can just stop seeing them as the same thing... I have bought it in HK, at a time when I wasn't quite happy, and it has served its purpose, making me happy on that day and I have started to enjoy the books too... Sometimes it may be worthwhile to compare, but perhaps there are times when things are best seen as they are without comparison to others... not to mention the things may change.. one day object A is better than object B... and one fine day in the future object B may develop more positive aspects than object A... because object B has unseen potential as at today...

Stop Judging
Stop being biased! How many times have I "cut" a person's ideas off because I was being biased, being reminded of how that person used to be in the past and not letting that person have a chance to put forward his/her idea, or a chance to do something different? Countless times... and on Christmas Day I do not know what struck me but I wanted to apologize to someone... I haven't done so yet, cause I guess I am still not very clear on how I should approach the situation - have to be careful... I'll have long working relationships with some of these people. I must have hurt people, and I would not like to be in the same situation of not being listened to...

Stop Striving
My mom finally told me she is not happy with my job. She doesn't like to see me spending hours in front of the laptop. She doesn't like to see my "pale face" everytime I come back home, which she says is getting more and more pale. She doesn't like to hear me working till late at night, have no time to sleep and did not go out during the weekends when I am abroad. And she tells me not to strive so much.. what would I get end of the day? Another promotion? Not that I get paid that much anyway now... Is it really worth it? Well, actually no need for my mom to raise the issue. I'm not feeling exactly in my dream job either, just that I have a mission to accomplish in my current job... and I will move on... it's a matter of time... Sigh... what do I get end of the day by working day and night, I feel it now, I earn more but I don't have a chance to spend. And do I really need the money anyway?

Stop Thinking of I
I have some "competitive advantage" in my current assignment, and while it sometimes help me to move forward, I am not tasked to do things I don't like to do, I think it's contributing to my ego as well. I'm not sure how much my ego has grown, and I'm not really sure the effect of it on my fellow colleagues and friends. But the ego is there... I really need to tone it down... Other people have feelings too... stop thinking I am working too hard.. just stop my thoughts from revolving around myself...

ttg

...

2008-12-20T23:35:00.003+08:00

I realized something today... something which has been so apparent since a long time ago but I did not see it because I'm clouded with what I want and what I feel.. and whatever other factors...

'll have to learn how to pick-up and move on from here...

ttg

Bookstore in HK

2008-12-14T23:19:00.002+08:00

This is last Thursday incident:

I was happy with the deal I got in this bookstore chain in HK - when I bought the 3 in 1 set for Cecelia Ahern's books. But I was not happy with their service:
1. They promised a free cloth book wrap for purchases above certain amount. When we were at the counter, they did not offer the book wrap, but there was also another promotion going on, and we got a book voucher (which can only be used from 29/12 - 31/1, luckily we will be back - if not I'm going to make a complain about this too, it was not stated that the voucher cannot be used immediately or in the next purchase, what if we were not going back to HK during that period??)
2. After we paid, and before we left, the book wrap promotion caught our attention again, so we went to the Customer Service counter, who told us that the book wrapping service was outside the shop.
3. At the book wrapping counter, they wanted to wrap up the book in paper! And said they knew nothing about the cloth wrapping.
4. We went inside again and look at the promotion sign... I read from top to bottom and all the fine prints... Nothing was wrong, I'm supposed to get a free cloth book wrap.
5. Then we went to the counter, who finally admitted we are entitled for the book wrap. They wrapped the book for us.
6. On our way out, we wanted to take a picture of the promotion sign - which shows you how to wrap the book. And they did not let us to take a photo of it. I understand if I can't take a picture of the shop or the books... but this sign. It's telling you: You either get a free book cloth wrap, or you can purchase the scarf and wrap the book as below.... then the graphic image of it...

So... they ask you to buy the scarf to wrap the books, and don't allow you to take a snapshot on how to use the scarf to wrap the books... how inconvenient!!

ttg

First Day in Guangzhou

2008-12-14T23:06:00.002+08:00

1. Was definitely not looking forward to this day

2. Had quite an ok time on the plane. Managed to catch up on some reading, and some sleep

3. Had a bad start when I arrived - I don't know what got into me to follow the illegal taxi driver! Luckily nothing bad happened, and it was quite an experience to know how they work.

- I was charged RMB150 for this journey - found out later that it actually cost about RMB110 only
- First person who got the business will lead you to a private car. The driver of the private car will pay him RMB30 (20%).
- Second person (driver of private car) will hunt for a proper taxi to get you to your final destination. The taxi driver pays the second person RMB80 (Therefore the second person earns net RMB50, ~ 33.33%).
- Third person (taxi driver) drives you to your final destination, and gets less than 50% of the total fare, RMB70).

My receipt now shows RMB110... :( I wonder if I can claim RMB150!! If not, my fee for this lesson would be RMB40...

4. Springdale Serviced Apartment is nice! At least better than what I expected... Quite homely...

5. Discovered that the shopping malls nearby are fabulous! Enough for me to get groceries and food.

6. Breakfast is provided! Yippie!!!

7. Now looking at work... I wish I can just shut down the PC... :(

ttg

Going for 9th week in HK

2008-11-29T22:42:00.002+08:00

This is not a visit I'm looking forward to. But then, I'm not looking forward to anything. Though I enjoyed my stay in Malaysia much better than if I were to be in HK, it wasn't such a pleasant stay also. I'm just not looking forward to "work".

Feeling like a "zombie" at work. Can't seem to find anything more to life other than work... I hate this kind of feeling....

ttg

Remember to Ask for Help

2008-11-16T19:46:00.002+08:00

The Swing Set - The story of a man who didn't cry for help.

Mr. Jones wanted to build his son a swing set.
He needed help, but didn't want to bother anyone.
Then he realized something that left him speechless...

Mr. Jones wanted to build his son a swing set. He slaved away each evening and grew tired and irritable causing concern for his wife. "You're working so hard," she said. "Wasn't our neighbor, Mr. Williams, a carpenter when he was young? Couldn't you ask him for help?" "But Mr. Williams has done enough work in his life. I wouldn't want to bother him."

So Mr. Jones kept working, until finally the swing set was finished, and he set it up in the backyard. A few days later, Mr. Jones went outside and found Mr. Williams gazing at the swing set.

"Hi, Mr. Williams. How do you like the new swing set?" "Oh, it's wonderful. I built something like that for my son many years ago." His eyes looked sad, and Mr. Jones remembered that Mr. Williams' son had moved far away for a job.

"I wish you had told me you were building it," Mr. Williams said. "Your son is a good boy. I would have loved to help you do something nice for him." They chatted for another minute, and Mr. Jones went inside, realizing for the first time that Mr. Williams was lonely.

MORAL: Don't be afraid to ask the people around you for help - an act of kindness is a joy to both the giver and the receiver.

-- From The Good Life newsletter by Michael Mackenzie--

Small House Movement

2008-11-16T19:14:00.003+08:00

Living in a small house: Something someone like me should consider to avoid stocking up on unncessary stuff. I have bought less things lately, yet I am still sometimes buying things that I do not need - especially cute things, and books - and though I buy books very rarely, whenever I buy every six months, I may buy up to 10 books. I am also stocking up on a lot of freebies. Though free, yet taking up my "personal and physical space".

Besides, living in a small house does have a lot of other advantages, as listed by The Simple Dollar newsletter:
- Less resources to maintain the house, therefore more environmental friendly
- Less resources to clean the house!
- More resources (money, mentally, psychologically) to work on other things.

ttg

7th week in HK

2008-11-09T20:11:00.002+08:00

Spent the whole of yesterday in hotel working on processes.

Today, hiked Dragon's Back with FS and her friend, SH. The hike is as predicted by FS's friends - 2 hrs for the journey up and down. FS and SH were quick, but I was a bit slow so the hike took us slightly over 2 hrs. Really can't stand the first part of the hike up the staircase through the cemetery!

Breakdown of the 2 hrs+ hike:

0.5o hour - climbed staircase from the colliseum cemetery (apparently we could have skipped this part - to me, it's the most difficult one as I ran out of breath and my legs were feeling wobbly by the end of the second flight of staircases, and I had to struggle to finish the third (which is also the last) flight of the starcases
1.25 hour - mountain trekking to reach the peak of Dragon's Back.
0.50 hour - the journey down

What I learned / reflected during the hike:
1. I take my time during the hike. If I am running out of breath, I slow down, I look around and I take pictures - and continue to take pictures until I reach the top. I notice the other 2 ladies were very focussed in reaching the peak. They hardly stop to look around. Somewhat reflective of my personality? I don't really go off the path - but I would take my time for the journey. Should I improve on my speed or focus? Yes, I think I should, but at the same time I would still want to stop mid way once in a while and look at where I am - I think I would enjoy the fruits of the toil better this way - it's a difficult climb up but I would get to see how the views change.

2. In terms of physical fitness, FS and SH are definitely better than me. I would have stopped a lot to rest and the hike may take me 3 hours - if not because of them who always walk so fast! In a team, we need people who can motivate others to push on and not to give up. Will I be able to become someone like that?

Yay... another milestone in my life. The previous hikes were simple compared to this. The mountain trekking is ok... but I must really improve on climbing staircases!

ttg

Losing temper

2008-10-16T20:42:00.002+08:00

I'm not going to be a good leader... losing my temper very fast... argh!!!!!!!
ttg

4th week in HK

2008-10-15T23:26:00.003+08:00

Last weekend went to the Popular book store at Grand Century Place in HK. Saw 2009 pocket diaries... How time flies... I just can't believe it's going to be 2009 so soon

What have I done this year???

ttg

My 2nd Week in Hong Kong

2008-09-29T23:45:00.002+08:00

Stress... not happy... I'm too stubborn...

Why do people think I'm that easy going and they are putting me as a "benchmark" that I would not get angry so easily? If I cannot stand it... means most probably I'm right?

I'm really not perfect... to have people having such a perception of myself..... stress....

ttg

Sadness, Longing, Fear, Stress

2008-09-24T00:01:00.002+08:00

What is Sadness?

My mum wanted so much to call me every morning just to wake me up though I told her it's expensive for me to take overseas call and there is no need for the wake-up call. She insisted. We came to an agreement. She will give me a miscall every morning.

My dad sent me to the airport today. We had McD. I can see that he was so happy to have a meal with his daughter, chatting together...

When I said goodbye to dad, and after I went through the gate to proceed to immigration, going down the escalator... I felt like I wanted to cry... When I was lining up to scan my passport, dad was still waiting, looking at me queueing. After I pass immigration, it was so hard to contain the tears but managed to do so. First time I feel so sad to leave home.

What is Longing?

When we were in Mumbai, we did a few test calls. How happy I was to hear my colleague's voice on the other end... calling me Sumitha Tay - the name we used for the recipient in Mumbai.

When I see friends planning for outings and dinners and knowing that I can't go... I really felt like I would like to join them... I'm missing so many people...

What is Fear?

Landing in HK. You can only see clouds and still the pilot is telling you that we are landing in a few minutes. I purposely chose window seat this time round because I was alone and it was a long flight. Really wonder if I made the wrong choice at that time. Felt so sick looking out of the window during that jerky landing. Luckily I din't eat much. The few minutes to landing felt like having a roller coaster ride at times. All kinds of bad things which could happen came into mind...

What is Stress?

Knowing that what you're doing now will not only affect yourself but a lot of other people. You must do it well. If you fail, the best thing to happen is someone will be able to cover up for you. The worst thing which could happen is you screw up other people's work as well.

ttg

My Third Week in Mumbai

2008-09-17T03:29:00.002+08:00

Time flies... it's the 3rd week now. I'm going to fly back this weekend, and off again next week! Now that I get to fly so often, I can't help but to wish I have more time in Malaysia. Things always happen at the end of the year. Maybe I would never be satisfied with what I have - human nature.

I have something to work on now... and I'm so stressed out because of it (it's 1am now in Mumbai). Been looking at the same thing for almost 3 weeks now... I just have to persist... must not give up now... Having such a hard time to tell myself that...

But I had enjoyed creating 2 presentation packs recently. Had started off "unwillingly" for both but I ended up finishing the jobs, both like in 2 days (1 day to come up with the first draft and another couple of days to beautify it). Not really official work by the way. But I was happy, really happy though it meant sacrificing some holidays and some sleep time (because of the second pack I sacrificed my weekend sleep time)

ttg

My First Week in Mumbai

2008-09-08T00:26:00.002+08:00

I still kind of cannot accept that I am in Mumbai now. Can't really detect the reason for feeling this way, is it because of the project, of my job, or of the place itself?

I've been quite "emotionless" for this week. Rather indifferent, more on the negative side

Really want to write something, but once I see this screen, I don't know what to write... I guess I'll just write in points whatever comes up on my mind now:

1. Had macaroni in our service apartment for dinner, yesterday we had plain porridge with preserved vege in can, and leftovers from Chinese dinner at Grand Hyatt on Friday. Earlier of the week we had quite a lot of Indian food - I'm starting to dread Indian food by now.

2. I still feel "suffocated" with the air here. When the plane was landing at the Mumbai airport, I could start smelling the air already. Don't really know how to describe it but the scent is consistent all over the city. The first few days I'm here, the feeling is really like I've got to live with this for the next couple of weeks. There's no place to go where I can escape the scent.

3. I had afternoon nap today, suddenly thinking of home and feeling the "suffocation" again. I then had a dream, I'm supposed to go to Cameron Highland to attend a meeting. So I took a bus there. GYTK was also in the same bus. Apparently a group of my Form 6 friends were meeting up for dinner (at Cameron??). I don't know who else was supposed to be there. But GYTK got off and I saw CMH was already there. Guess the rest of the party would be joining them later.

The route started to look funny after that. The bus went through residential areas, like 2 storey terrace houses. I started to panic - I am supposed to have a meeting at Cameron. This doesn't look like where I'm going. Did I take the correct bus?

Then we stopped at a rest station - a very old one. Well, a mixture of old and new. It's a wooden one, the toilet is a wooden hut, a very big hut, but there were glasses in the toilet. And the individual toilet is huge. It looked filthy. When I went into one, it was extremely huge and err, the stuff took a while to go down.

When I got out, I went to a shop. There was a huge doll on display - like almost 2 feet. It's body is made of plastic but the surface is rubbery so it felt quite real. It has yellow curly hair, can't remember if it's long or short. And it's wearing a blue and white dress. I fell in love with it. And I asked the doll, "If I buy you, would you be able to take care of yourself?" (Silly question - I wonder why would I ask a doll such a question). Then I thought that I would bring it to work, and place it in the passenger sit of my green Myvi. Funny, I also thought if it would get stolen if I leave it in the car in the MA carpark?

Then - this is when I realise my mum is also there. She said that there were nicer dolls, they had like 5 big dolls in that shop and there was one holding an umbrella. She also went to dismantled this particular doll we were looking at - I think she wanted to make sure the "parts" are ok. Then she went off to look for the doll with the umbrella. She did found one big doll - but it was a stuffed green figure of some cartoon which I don't like. Then I woke up.

It's a really weird dream. There are my Form 6 friends, Cameron, MA, my car, my mum, buying a doll with my mum...

4. I wonder if I'm feeling homesick. Yet I don't want to fly back - that will be 10 hours on the plane and I don't even want to think about that.

5. I received a piece of news from MY I should be happy about. Yet, how come I don't feel the excitement?

6. I'm starting to think from time to time - what's next?

7. I really feel kind of sad to have missed DnD.

8. This is bad - I just feel so "lost"

ttg

Kamma?

2008-08-07T21:45:00.003+08:00

I've just calmed down from a bout of fury because of one person, or maybe two person. And this question started to linger - is life trying to teach me about kamma before it hit me full force?

I've put the blame on someone for not taking well-meant advice, and I've blamed another person for being a "fire stone". Then I started to tell myself why do I even need to care when the whole thing doesn't really concern me? After that I came to another conclusion, I have done my part - if the advice is not taken - serves them right if things go wrong.

Anyway by now, doesn't matter whether they are right or wrong. I'm starting to think of the situation which we are in.

I asked this question before - if something must happen for long term benefit, but in the course of doing so it will hurt a lot of people, and you are in the situation where you are the party who is making this happen - will you do it? The answer I gave myself then, I have to do it, because if I don't someone else will, it will eventually happen anyway - but I will do it responsibly and try to minimize the hurt.

Now, I am in a situation pretty similar to the party who is getting hurt. We have built something and we have to let someone to replace it with another thing. And I feel it so much although I have no direct ownership in the whole thing.

What am I doing then to the many other people who will be affected because of what I will be doing? Not that I am the sole contributor to this "thing" but I am contributing all the same. Just like planting a tree makes a difference and cutting only one tree makes a difference as well.

I feel so sad now. The whole thing just feel so wrong.

ttg

20080705

2008-08-07T21:42:00.000+08:00

Negative News and its Impact on Emotions

My hypotheses - Negative news has negative impact on emotions. I noted someone got very agitated during the news hour due to news on politics and business. Evidence:
1. The newscaster made a slight mistake and there was a short period of "blank airtime". This person kept on asking "Why?" There's actually nothing wrong, the newscaster is stuck, that's why!
2. There was squeaking sound in the kitchen, which was VERY loud. Someone else asked - is that caused by mouse or house lizard? This person got agitated and say "I'm watching the news, I don't hear the whatever squeaking sound you are talking about!

I think this is rather interesting. Maybe there has been a study on this. Perhaps there would be a linkage between TV and emotions, negative programmes and emotions, positive programmes and emotions, etc.

There's another idea that popped into my mind, it probably made an impact on parents watching TV who got interrupted by their children. The reaction to the children is probably quite different when the parents are watching TV, and when the parents aren't.

ttg

20080804

2008-08-05T17:09:00.000+08:00

Xiao Hei and her Three Kittens
There's a black cat in my backyard. I call it "Xiao Hei" because it's so black.

My parents have been feeding it with a fish everyday when it was pregnant. Now that it has given birth to three kittens, my parents are feeding it with two fishes per day.

Xiao Hei has been very protective of her kittens, always snarling at us when we went near her kittens. But today we finally get to hold the kittens, not sure why she let us hold them though.

Like what my father remarked, it's very heartwarming to see Xiao Hei and her kittens, especially when she let the three kittens climb over her body and she just sat there watching them.

p/s: I feel like I'm writing a primary school essay :)

Imprints and Dreams
I had this recurring dream about taking Geography examination for SPM, where there was no teacher for one year but we were still expected to take the exam. The dream always took place during the week before the exam. I would be counting the days to exam day, making a timetable to do revision, or rather to study the text for the first time before the exam. There's always this horrible image of looking at the thick textbook and realising that you didn't know 90% of the contents in there. And the textbook always look the same, if I'm not mistaken it's the revision book by Sasbadi. And I never get to follow the timetable. Something always happened, or I went round and round trying to do notes which never extend more than the first page.

Then I would wake up, and feel extremely relieved it's only a dream, and my schooldays are over!

I really wonder what is the significance of this dream. I never had this kind of experience in this lifetime, at least. I have never been in a situation when it's one week before the exam and I knew almost nothing about the contents of the subject. Also, I started having this dream only after I switched to my current job, as far as I can remember.

In this same dream, I was also in a situation where I was late for school, not only me though, there were quite a number of other schoolmates who were also late. We were all in the same area, trying to catch a bus to go to school it and it was already 8:10am. I think school must have started at 7:30am. Anyway, there were actually 3 buses which can go to my school, I saw schoolmates in 2 other buses asking me to take the other bus - I think something like their 2 buses are not moving yet? So I went to the 3rd bus, and tried to get a place. By the way, the bus were yellow in colour, something like the HK mini buses, the situation was as like, if there are no more seats then you cannot get on the bus. Ok, so I managed to get on, and my friend told the bus driver we were going to Petaling Street. And the bus driver asked us again to confirm it. And I went to tell the bus driver, I think we are supposed to go to Petaling Hill - maybe my friends are not familiar with the location as "this is HK and we are new" - Haha, my dream is kind of jumbled up here. It's really a combination of KL and HK here.

Then the bus driver asked us to get down from the bus. Seems like there has been an accident and the road to Petaling Street is blocked. I got scolded by my friends for being honest. Well, I didn't know that was the reason they said "Petaling Street" and not "Petaling Hill!" Towards the end of the dream, I started to think why can't we still go to Petaling Street and then walk to Petaling Hill, instead of being chased down from the bus and no other buses would take us there! Then I woke up.

I think when I was thinking about Petaling Street and Petaling Hill, the location is something like the Petaling Street in KL, and Victoria Institution up the hill. Funny dream.

DDVW talked about imprints and kamma, there are some things which left such deep impression in us, that it forms our "window" to look at other things. This "imprint" theory certainly made me realize and more aware of how I react to certain situations and people. The same event - caused by different people - would evoke a different reaction from myself. I am thinking, could these imprints go into the dream world as well? And also, could it be a rewind of what had taken place in past lives? I really really wonder...

( I just said "eat wine and drink biscuit" - LOL)

The Right Time at the Right Place
From the ongoing Japanese drama - A lot of times we wait for the right time and the right place to say something and to do something. And so often the right time and the right place never occur - therefore so many opportunities missed.

If You Can Change Something, Change It. If You Cannot Change Something, Accept It
Another episode from the Japanese drama - The title above says it all.

Writing
I called a few friends yesterday to catch up with them. One of them told me her latest plan and aspirations, and she would like to do it via "writing". I can't help but to be so awed and inspired with her aspirations! It never cross my mind that writing alone can accomplish so much. Her writing style is so unique that I believe she can spread her message across to many many groups and types of people, even without saying it out upfront in her writing. I believe her readers may not even realize they are actually reading something inspired by this "message". I shall not disclose too much till she achieve her dreams. All the best to her, may your aspirations come true!

ttg

What do I really really want?

2008-08-03T23:34:00.003+08:00

For those who know what they want in life and is able to act on it, happy indeed is this group of people!

Sigh.........

ttg

Happy Birthday to Myself

2008-08-03T23:18:00.001+08:00

Just thought to make a blog entry before the day is over. I'm honestly very touched with the birthday wishes I've received. It's been quite a nice birthday celebration at home with my aunties, uncles, and cousins. And when I went online, there were quite a number of birthday wishes from Facebook and Friendster, I'm just so touched!

Birthday wish? I made one just now - totally forgot about this the entire day till someone reminded me. Maybe I've not been thinking to want to have anything, maybe there's nothing that I really really want now, or maybe I've just been too busy thinking about something else - that's why the thought never occured to me - to make a birthday wish...

ttg

20080629

2008-06-30T08:25:00.003+08:00

I have a few things which I'd like to write on...

(1320)
Ravenna Michalsen
On 24 Jun, I went to BGF for a performance cum talk by Ravenna Michalsen. My first impression of her, she looks quite mature. When she started her "small concert", I thought her music is different, it sounds like chanting, like what CO had said on her music earlier. I can't even catch most of the lyrics - the way she's singing, perhaps too much concentration on vowels and holding a syllable over a few notes.

She asked the audience a few questions, like below:
- When you go into meditation, what do you think of? - Thoughts
- What are the 3 gifts? Generosity, Fearlessness, Gift of Dhamma
- What are the 4 hindrances of meditation (or... I didn't even catch the question here) ? Ego, attachment to pleasure, (can't remember what's the other 2)
- What's a dakini? I've forgotten the answer to this as well, something on beings who fly...

Makes me realise how little I know - I can't answer any of the questions above - it was total blank to me when she asked all these questions.

When she told stories of her songs, the people she wrote about, I know none of them. Other than Guru Rinpoche, whom I have only heard of the name but don't exactly know who he is.

Anyway, I bought her 2 CDs because I like the way her music sounds, very pure with simple percussions and guitar playing. And I'm very happy I did, I've even been playing them in my car for the past few days. I can understand some of them - while the rest of it - need to research on the mantras or people she's singing about...

Accident
This morning, at the main road junction outside my house, there has been an accident. A Kancil ramped to the side of the road, knocking the tree and tearing off the tree bark, then knocking off the metal railing of the big drain. I didn't go out to witness the scene, but my dad said the driver died.

It's a Sunday morning, and a life is lost. Kind of disturbing, you never know when death is coming... Suddenly someone lost a son, someone lost a friend/ colleague... And the one who's dead never had the chance to say any last words...

Hardy Boys' books
I read 2 books from the Hardy Boys series, which took me maybe 3 hours for each book. The Clue of the Screeching Owl and The Mystery of the Hidden Gold. They were book prizes from Form 3. I wonder why I never read those books, until now. They're quite simple and nice, very fun and adventurous. Same for some Buddhist books which I took but never read, Buddhist talks CDs which I took but never listened to. I don't know what point I want to make here, but I've been trying to stop accumulating new things, and make use of what I already have instead.

Fairy Tales by Hans Andersen
Another book which I bought quite some time ago, and have only read maybe one tenth of the whole book. Reading it now and nearly done. There are some fairy tales with wisdom, while some fairy tales - I think they are quite cruel and senseless. For example, in "The Tinderbox" - the soldier cut off the head of the witch, for no apparent reason. To avoid being hanged, he summoned the 3 dogs from his tinderbox, and had them sent soldiers and the king and the queen flying into the air and literally "fell down and broke in pieces". Then the princess who was grounded was released, and she was "happy" to be made the new queen with this soldier - after her parents died?? I wonder what message is to be brought out from such a story. Is the soldier wise? Maybe, but I'd rather call him cunning and cold-blooded.

(1351)

ttg

20080627

2008-06-30T08:25:00.001+08:00

(1108)

So tired... Been looking at the same thing for one week. No doubt I managed to simplify the thing, but right now I am just too tired to look at it and refine it again...

Hmm, I have 3 things coming up in Sep - ok, better check the dates in case they clash with each other...

(1143)

Oh dear... Impact Day and Retreat on the same day in Sep. Damn, I can't go for July retreat because of client's system testing in that week, Aug retreat is cancelled, so should I go for Oct retreat (the last resort)? No wonder they have 4 date options for retreat...

20080624

2008-06-30T08:24:00.001+08:00

International Fairy Day

Today is supposed to be Fairy Day

And somehow listening to classicals and surfing for "Fairy Day" brought me to this..

It's so fairy-like, just like the Enid Blyton stories that I used to read...

Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy

See the candy fairies, sugar-plums, jelly-beans, chocolate bars,
Dance the minuet,
With the candied cherries, lolly-pops, peppermints, candy-canes,
As they pirouette,
See the FAIRY PRINCESS curtsying, gracefully, beautifully,
Swaying to the tune...
Music in the air (so entrancing)
Flowers in her hair (as she's dancing)
Love is everywhere (Ah-h-h-h-h-h-h-h)
'Neath the yellow lemon-drop moon.

(SUGAR-PLUM FAIRY DANCES)
There she goes now, on her toes now,
To her yellow lemon-drop moon.

http://kids.niehs.nih.gov/lyrics/nutcracker.htm

20080621

2008-06-30T08:23:00.001+08:00

(1453)

Why Are You Happy?
Cleaning up my personal files again, and reading what I have accumulated over the years. This is in line with one of the aspirations I made recently - I need to cut down on my possessions. Assess what can be trashed and read what should be read.

Found this rather interesting meditation newsletter I was subscribed to maybe 2 or 3 years ago. There were only a few editions that I saved, I don't even remember if I stopped subscribing or the newsletter was ended by its publisher?

Anyway - there was this conversation about happiness that Blair Lewis (the editor) had with his meditation guru, Pandit Rajmani Tigunait, Ph.D.

Blair: Why are you happy?

Pandit: Because I am not unhappy.

(This reminds me of the question that the committees of the 29IDC was discussing in their PCIC, 'Why do you want to be happy?" In which some of us answered, "Because I do not want to be unhappy". Later NS expanded on the answer - We want happiness because there is craving for happiness, for the good things, and there is craving not to be associated with the bad things in life")

Pandit's explanation to the answer: We are by nature in a happy state. Being unhappy requires our effort. We need to engage in the thought of not liking something, hating something, not wanting to be associated with something and so on, in order to be happy. By not engaging in these thoughts/activities, we are happy.

(1507)

The Black Print Will Not Bring the White Light

This is a saying by Swami Rama - also quoted by Blair Lewis in one his newsletters.

It applies so much to myself. There is no use in reading and collecting information and not to put them into practice. I've been slacking in my meditation lately. Spent the whole day analysing some data and processes at work. When I reach home I would read, and then go to bed. Well, if I want to reap the benefits of meditation I have to do it, no matter how sleepy or lazy my mind is.

I may just put another one of Blair's stories into practice. Just sit still for 15 minutes every day and observe the thoughts. Be physically still. Let the mind run but your body still. Eventually you will have control of the mind. What he quoted in his story - the urge to have ice-cream, just let the thought go ahead, but sit still - same like my urge to look for my purple quotation book :)

ttg

20080618

2008-06-30T08:22:00.000+08:00

Such a sad piece of news :(

Wednesday June 18, 2008
Filial son gets the sad news
By GLADYS TAY

JOHOR BARU: The restaurant worker who was robbed and beaten while trying to get help for his dying mother broke into tears when his elder brother told him that she had died.

Moh Cheng Mao’s elder brother Mok Aik Kuan, 41, said he only gave the news to his brother yesterday when he visited him at the hospital.

He also said that he was forced to tell his brother that he would not be able to attend his mother’s funeral as he had to be kept in hospital for further observation.

Mok said his younger brother, who was a quiet person and close to their mother, suffered severe injuries to his lungs and underwent an operation on Monday. He also had several broken ribs

Moh was badly beaten up after he ran out to flag down a passing car to get help for his mother who suffered an asthma attack at their home in Jalan Hang Jebat 52 in Skudai Baru at 3am on June 16.

Instead of helping him, the four occupants in the car stopped near a graveyard about 300m from his home, beat him unconscious and robbed him of his salary of RM500 and his mobile phone.

By the time he staggered home and neighbours alerted the police and ambulance, his mother, Foo Yoon Yew, 63, was dead.

Mok, a hawker who lives in Singapore, said Moh and their youngest brother Seng Fong, 37, stayed with and took care of their mother at their house in Skudai.

Nusajaya OCPD Supt Abd Aziz Ahmad said that three men, aged between 20 and 30, were arrested on Monday night in connection with the case.

Source: http://www.thestar.com.my/news/story.asp?file=/2008/6/18/nation/21579551&sec=nation

20080615

2008-06-16T08:08:00.001+08:00

(1510)

Peace and Harmony in the House

Things "seem" to get better at home, I wonder if it's because I take things differently or things are really different? Anyway, it has been less arguments, more respect for each other...

(1515)

Loss

"A lot of times we do not know that something/someone is so important/unimportant until we have lost it/them". Watching a Japanese series now. I seldom watch TV at this hour but my relatives were here and the TV was switched on. So, this guy gets the chance to go back in time - asking God to give him a chance.

If an angel granted me this chance, would I have taken it? I don't have the answer to this - better to concentrate on the present than to think of what would I have done if I get the chance to go back to the past...
(It seems like this movie is about going back in time more than one time... but it's end of the hour now)

(1728)

Happiness in a Simple Life

Still watching the TV while organizing my personal files...

There's a documentary on now - on a disabled person - Lao He, whose occupation is to carry goods to the peak of Hua Mountain in China. Very inspiring. He had a broken hand, and yet he could make a living to carry goods of 50 - 70kg up the mountain. And he is very proud to earn his own living, about 15 - 20 yuan per day (0.30 yuan per kilo). He is happy, saying that he enjoys singing on his way up, breathing in the fresh air of the mountains - especially during spring time. Listening to him talking so happily about his job - is so touching. He also mentioned the time when he first came to Shanghai looking for a job - he could not find a job and very nearly wanted to just give up on life. But he remembered about his parents, his children, his siblings - if he gave up, he would disappoint them. So he lives on. As he was narating, he shed tears...

Now they're interviewing another person, Lao Hui who has been carrying goods up the mountain for 26 years. His aim us to carry between 140 - 160 kg of goods everyday. He also likes singing and he says that the mountain air improves his voice. He has 2 children, his wife left him when he was 29 because the family was too poor. Therefore Lao Hui was determined to make a living for himself and his children. When he talked about his children, his face lit up. He was so proud to say that they are now studying in the University of Xi An.

The third person featured in this documentary - Lao Liu (Ming Shan) says that he enjoys music. He sings and talk to himself. To him, he enjoys art, and singing / music is a form of art. He also said that singing makes them more energetic when they climb the mountain. He enjoys helping people, he thinks that the profession is a noble profession. Everyone must learn to understand each other, to have a noble soul. Lao Liu looks very cheerful talking about his life.

Looking at them, I really admire them, they are people worthy of respect. Their occupation is simple, they earn their own living through their own hard work. When I compare them with me - how lucky I am - I only need to sit in the office, and do "office work". And I earn multiple times what these people are earning.

The documentary goes on... some people plays the flute when climbing up the mountain. Another flute player who says that life must have humour and happiness. Playing the flute brins happiness and spirit. He even got compliments from tourists who told him that they will not climb the mountain if they cannot listen to his flute sound. This flute player also has 2 children. During their school holidays, he asked them to come to the mountain and carry watermelons weighing 20kg. His child said it's tiring, asked his father to carry less, and eat better food. As he said this, he shed tears.

Is it true - these people in less developed countries probably leads happier life than us living in modern cities in developed country. Happiness - less is more...

ttg
(1803)

20080610

2008-06-10T08:05:00.000+08:00

0752 - Quiet quiet office

Yesterday was really testing my patience. I just can't work with someone - and I'm starting to realise a lot of people cannot be trusted - starting to regret having talked about this issue with someone, whatever I've told that person seems to spread like fire to another person - should have put more self-control on myself - must have patience, do not say it out, do not complain.

Anyway, someone else wasn't free to listen to me, so I had to wait for a few more hours, by that time the frustration and agitation and anger have more or less subsided and I was able to go to sleep. Was really mentally tired...

I must learn to be more "frank" than "diplomatic", or try to score high on both "frank" and "diplomatic", like how AT would put it. That person (let's say ZZ) should at least respect my personal space. If ZZ's ethics is not that good, ZZ should at least respect what I am doing and now ask me time and time again to do what ZZ is doing. I couldn't stand it - why can't ZZ just leave me alone? So I would have to tell ZZ, in one way or another, "you can do what you want to do but I'm not interested in joining you" - both frankly and diplomatically - I hope I can do this!

ttg

20080609

2008-06-10T07:50:00.000+08:00

0830 - Another Quake in Southern Greece

I wonder if the Earth is aging, or the human race is causing injury to Mother Earth?

All things are born, age, grow sick and die, including Mother Earth?

0840 - Dreams

People who read my blog would probably realise that I like to blog about dreams. I had more dreams lately, which I cannot remember. I still believe in the significance of the dreams - perhaps I should read up more on this topic.

Anyway, the day before yesterday's night - I dreamt about something - and I only remember this particular scene - If you have set "Reach" as your ringtone now, you win a prize!

I do not know what this mean, but I do have the song in my phone, and I am now setting it as my ringtone and playing the MP3 on my laptop. Perhaps I should live the song "Reach", and I will "win a prize", i.e. my dreams will come true.

1131 - Patience....

Linked

2008-06-08T20:14:00.003+08:00

Someone linked to this site with my name.... no wonder AR knows who I am a few months back - I never thought I was linked (at least not with my name) until I saw on someone else's blog saying that, that person is linked...

ttg

Do Not Let Anything Happen by Chance

2008-06-08T19:12:00.003+08:00

In the recent camp, I had the opportunity to assist to conduct a meditation session, as the person who was invited to conduct the session was engaged to other commitments. Am I lucky to had this opportunity? I would have said I am, which is my usual answer. However, due to recent events (which started to take place since I came back home in Mar-08), I would like to use the word "lucky" less frequently. By using it, no doubt it creates a "carefree" me who would appreciate good things when they come, but it will not push me to work further for more "lucky" opportunities.

Therefore, back to this opportunity, I would say I have planted the seeds in the past, starting way back in 1990 (I have to keep backdating this as I write...)
- 1990 - In primary school, Standard 3, met WC and started the friendship with her.

- 1994 - In secondary school, Form 1, first day in school, MH looked for WC. Their older sisters are good friends therefore the 2 older sisters asked their younger sisters to befriend each other. I was never that close to WC in primary school, so I'm not really sure of the part how I get to be with WC on our first day in school and together we met MH. Maybe MH found WC first, when WC introduced me to MH?

- 1996 - In secondary school, Form 3, got introduced to Buddhism by MH (thanks to her granny who's a devoted Buddhist, she instilled this in her granddaughter). Joined Buddhist Society in our secondary school. Later that year, MH asked me to joined the School Holiday Dhamma Camp (SHDC) at Brickfiels (thanks to the organizers and the initiator of this camp!).

- 1997 - In secondary school, Form 4, joined SHDC for second time and met KY - we had the opportunity to be in the same group and it was a fantastic group - the friendship with some of the gorup members continue to this day.

- 2002 - In university, First Year, second sem - WC asked to join 17IDC. Met KY again - we were participants.

- 2004 - 22IDC - Start facilitating after 4 times participating as participant. GN was my co-faci and my mentor in facilitating, she was great.

- 2005 - 23IDC - Started to join the organizing committee as programmer (MJ invited me)

- 2005 - 24IDC - I was camp secretary. AL asked me to "conduct" a meditation session - it was more to script reading - that was the first time I "narrated" a metta meditation.

- 2005 - 25IDC - KY joined as programmer, I was again an IDC programmer

- 2008 - 29IDC - I am kind of out of touch with IDC by now, but thanks to kalyana mitras (MJ, KY, FW, etc), the connection is still there and I went back as faci. AL was not available for 2nd day meditation, so KY asked me to assist.

In another chain events which started from workplace, due to some unhappiness at work from dealing with a colleague, I started to go for IGC (this idea came from there - do not let anything happen by chance), and started to take my Buddhist practice to the next level and started meditation. I was really stuck and unhappy with my situation at work and turned to Buddhism for answers. One of the answer I found was in metta meditation. KS once recommended to do metta meditation. I first learned meditation back in 1996, I think - but I had NEVER practised meditation at home - at least not properly. Anyway, I would always remember this conversation on metta meditation with him, can't remember the start of the conversation though - perhaps was talking about my previous company, but I remember the impression it left on me.

Ok, so I did metta meditation again just a one week before the camp (and I got the metta meditation CD by DDVW from BGF because I went there to assist with the 29IDC camp prep). And.. from this year Wesak - I spent almost the whole day at home - at night time I surfed the net to find "Wesak aspirations"... the link brought me to "Peace Every Day" site. So... recommendation to meditate 40 minutes a day + recommendation to do metta meditation + DDVW CD from BGF = I started to meditate...

When KY asked me to assist, I was actually happy with it (though I also dislike the fact that it was such a last minute request). Anyway, it was definitely a good opportunity which I appreciate very much.

KY (a sanguine and prob a ENFP) got this idea to do meditation with a twist - to incorporate wishes of well-being to victims of the Myanmar's Nargis Cyclone and Szechuan's earthquake. So we modified the script. Me (a melancholic and ISFJ) went to search for script online + ideas from a meditation booklet I bought from Times warehouse sales for RM10. We created a metta meditation script with a relaxation exercise, contemplation on a flower, followed by metta wishes to the victims of the recent natural disasters. I was happy with the feedback - it wasn't perfect and we had to cut the session short (by half) because we did not book the shrine hall after 9pm. But still, it was definitely a good experience to have the chance to work on a modified meditation script and the opportunity to narrate it. Datuk's CD is wonderful - and I tried to follow his way of narration as well.

So... to summarize - why do I say nothing happens by chance - I get this chance to assist because:
- KY knows me (...from the events leading us to meet and work together)
- I am an INCOVARian (...from the events leading me into a journey in Buddhism and INCOVAR)
- I probably have confidence to take it on because I have started to do some meditation on my own and I am interested to narrate a session (from the factors leading me to be inspired to start meditating)

This is such a long blog... As I typed a lot of other chain of events came into mind as well. Probably the whole thing is better illustrated with a mind map. I guess my chain of events of this event would also link to my own chains of other events plus chains of other people's events as well.

I would just like to end this with another chain linked to the first event in the chain above. Who enrolled me in my Primary School, SRK Pudu 2?

My father, who would have planted his seeds from being honest. He was from a poor family. He failed his Standard 6 exam and had to repeat it, his father, my grandfather, was a loving father who supported him to repeat the exam. My father started to be more hardworking, and was the first and only member of his family to be accepted into a university. He finished his degree, and worked for a couple of years before enrolling in Dip Ed and applying to be a teacher. Then he was posted to Terengganu. At that time no one wanted to be posted to such a far away place - my granny was also not comfortable with it. So he tried to applied to local secondary schools. I'm not sure how many schools he applied to, but the school he was accepted to - Pudu English Secondary School - the headmistress back then told him that not many people would admit that they are from Dip Ed, because the candidates would need to adhere to the posting by the government. But my dad admitted and even forewarned the HM that he is from Dip Ed. The HM was impressed by his honesty and helped my dad to change his posting to her school. That's how my dad got to the school where he taught for more than 10 years... and that was also why I was enrolled in the primary school just next to the secondary school he was teaching at - so that it was more convenient for him to look after me. If I'm not enrolled in this school, I would probably have a different story to tell here.

Therefore, seeds have been planted since the beginning of the universe. I believe whatever happens might be by chance - but how we are able to react to it and the result of it in our own life - depends on the seed we have planted. I will tell myself that whatever I do today, will eventually have its effect somewhere down the road. Like the saying I like very much from a talk by Bro Tan Ho Soon long long time ago when I was studying in university and EH asked to join her for a stay at UPM Buddhist House (and I met EH from INCOVAR...)

Do your best, Kamma will take care of the rest

And to top it up with what AT said in the 3rd IGC:

Do not let anything happen by chance

ttg

Patience is the Best Prayer?

2008-05-26T20:34:00.002+08:00

I did not find my purple quotation book - I found my mum's big book of quotations instead - which she purchased long time ago. Flipping through the "Prayers" topic - there is this quote supposedly quoted by the Buddha - "Patience is the best prayer".

Is this true? Perhaps yes in some situations - anyway - patience in my current situation is kind of "bearable" for these few days. I am left alone as usual - after bringing up my points and someone turned it into something else - anyway, that left me some time to work on the camp preparation.

My next assignment tonight - write a "meditation script" :) Hehe, this will be quite interesting, I think, using Datuk's script and adding something to it - hopefully it will turn out right!

ttg

...

2008-05-23T08:03:00.002+08:00

What a night... At 11pm the traffic was still bad with bits of paper on the road... Seems like some accident might have taken place... Turned out it was a huge lorry broken down and was parked at the left lane of the road... plus one other car and one taxi which have also broken down - before and after the lorry...

Progress on being a vegetarian - quite good - getting vegetarian packed lunch now - managed to eat vegetarian meal for dinner as well.

Progress on meditation - 3 continuous days of meditation! It has also conveniently become a time for me to "think/reflect" - which is not really that good - today I'll put down my thoughts on paper - before I start the actual meditation...

ttg

I Wanna Be A Witch!

2008-05-21T21:44:00.002+08:00

Ya, I want to be a kind and wise little witch, just like the picture I put up in my YM. This idea came up about 10 days ago when I was doing spring-cleaning for my work laptop. Although the motive behind the spring-cleaning was kind of unfortunate - I was so frustrated at work I just decided to do something else - but not something which is too personal, cause it was working hours. My colleague (much as I dislike her working style and she was part of the cause of the frustration - she's still a good friend) commented that my spring-cleaning effort is like a housewife. So she googled up some housewife pictures - 50's housewife - for me to put up in YM. And me, out of my frustration towards her - refused her idea but this witch image just popped up in my mind. So, I googled up "cute witch" and found this image... And the idea stuck...

Why do I want to be a witch? I want to be like a witch with a broomstick - use the broomstick to clean up stuffs, to make magic, and to fly! Translate that into more practical terms in life - I want to sweep off the unwanted things in my life, sweep away the negative things, sweep away the rubbish, then I want to use the broomstick to create "goodness" in my life. With the bad gone and the good in - then I can "fly" i.e. live my dreams! A bit silly, I don't even have a clear idea on what I want - but right now my personal aspiration is "Create a better world by creating and being a better self". I am so attached to this witch idea that I really want to copyright this, just like the high-heeled healer (a book I got from AL's library but have never read past the first chapter)

Which brings me to the copyright issue. In today's world - is there really something which can really be ours, which can be copyrighted? Not really, once something is created, it will be replicated, it will be changed - I do wonder if we, the human race are using our intelligence correctly? However, put that in business term - without inovation, without competition, there will be no advancement. If this ever happens to me, I guess the best advice to fall to would be the Buddha's advice - everything is impermanent.

It is so easy to become attached to things or to people. As I was doing meditation yesterday (ya, my first real meditation at home which lasted for half an hour), suddenly this memory of a pocket size purple coloured proverb book came into mind. I must have put it away for at least a year. It just suddenly springed into mind, and I had a very strong urge to look for it, and it must have been about 11pm. Anyway, I managed to sit through the 30 minutes and went to bed after that - was telling myself, it has been at least a year - and I had no need for it, and I don't really have a need for it now either - it's only the feeling of wanting to see it again, wanting to put it somewhere where I can know I own it, and probably forget about it again in another month or so.

Read in a book on rebirth which I took home on Wesak Day - human brain cells is completely metabolized in a certain period - but some memories of previous experience would still remain. I guess this must be it - when we get attached to something, when our mind processed something, it will stay in our memory until one fine day - we will either happen to see it again when we scan through our database of memories, or when we see something of similar nature in reality - then it kind of strikes us "Hey, I have seen this before, I know this". Funny, when I think about this I can relate to what the books said about death and last thoughts, what you're attached to will play itself like a flash show during the last moments of your life. If I'm attached to a lot of things (which I am), it'll probably flash through when I die and I would probably be reborn to live it again.

Hmm, and it kinds of make sense - do I really want to relive it again? For another 100 years if I'm lucky and get reborn again for another 100 years and till infinity... Not to mention whatever material things I have accumulated, even "experiences" - I will never be able to bring it with me to the grave or to my next existence. So it really felt silly to keep things - just in case I need them. I figure of my entire "wealth of material things", this would probably be the breakdown:-

25% is redundant and can really be thrown away
25% is redundant but I think I might need it and actually will never do
25% is again something which I think I might need, and yes, I really might need it
25% is something which I really need

My target: get rid of the first 25% of redundancy - which is going to be hard - I keep so many things that I don't even know how much things I have - and everytime I look at those things (probably every 2 years or so), they're kind of nostalgic that I just end up reorganizing and repacking them. And I wonder how much time I spent on organizing things that I would never need!

But like my previous post - the seed has to be planted - no matter how small the action, I will make sure I clean up something when I can. And I will make sure I stop accumulating things (ya, I really have to be hard on myself on this - please stop accumulating things!). If I accumulate things which can be read - I'll make sure I read them and not stack them on shelves and cupboards and boxes.

Emm... am actually adding things to the "digital space" now by writing this blog - but writing is something I really love, better than forcing someone to listen to my so called "wannabe witch" story...

ttg

Aspirations

2008-05-20T20:06:00.001+08:00

Earlier (a few weeks ago) - I made an aspiration never to let a day pass by without doing something which is beneficial to me and/or to others, no matter how small the deed may be.

Yesterday was Wesak day - went to a Buddhist temple in Peel Road, then spend the rest of the day organizing my personal files (on my laptop).

By night time, went online to search for something to read on Wesak, well, it's Wesak Day.. And I found this site which started off with meditation in preparation for the auspicious day, then it links to peace initiatives - and finally there is this link to the Peace Every Day Initiative website. Wow, I am inspired by the effort to create peace in the world by being peace. And this is to be achieved by one simple effort - 40 minutes of meditation everyday. Hmm, am not sure how much I can commit but I'll make an effort to do this. Other than this, my other Wesak aspirations as below, ya, seems suddenly very humanistic and probably building castle in the air - but the seed has the be planted in the first place right?

Join Peace Every Day Initiave - We Create Peace By Being Peace - Meditate every day, even if it is only for a few minutes
Set Goodtree as my homepage, since it claims that every search I do using Goodtree will translate into donation to charities.
Be a vegetarian - seriously considering this and wondering how to be a disciplined vegetarian. At least I am half way there, I think I can claim myself a "semi-vegetarian" for the moment, per wikipedia's article on vegetarianism.
Join another initiative on World Peace from this website: World Peace Experiment - 2 things to be done (1) whenever negative things happen, tell myself "Only Love Prevails" and (2) be cautious of the influence of negative news. In short - minimize negative energy.

ttg

A Productive Holiday

2008-04-23T00:00:00.003+08:00

I'm happy to say that I'm enjoying my holiday so far - honestly. I spent almost 2 days in bed due to headache, but I think the sleep was much needed, for the sake of sleeping off the stress and worries.

Trying my best to let things go, though I think there's a little debate going on inside me if some things should be let go, or should be something to be strived for. I am unhappy because there's a "me", I think I see that quite clearly as I see that "I" am unhappy because "I" am not getting the things "I" want. If "I" take certain actions it's because of the "I", while "I" may choose to take other actions for other people's benefit.

I've also visited a friend whose mum had passed away on Sunday. A bit ridiculous for me to note this but I haven't seen my friend's mum for a couple of years, and having seen her picture now - her looks are similar to a client in Singapore - and this particular client has been very kind to me as well. That's another story - all those kind clients I've met - sometimes I hate to think how I should confront them in the future though it's not my fault and they may not mind it anyway... but I'll never be able to be their "friend", I mean, friends don't do what I will have to do to their friends. The client story aside, I met a uni course mate at my friend's house.

This coursemate of mine - well, we have never been close but I can't help but to notice my own reaction when he told me about his current occupation. Nothing illegal or anything wrong, but it's the kind of more routine job which I had also been through - and I think I really felt ashamed of myself because the first thought that came into my mind is his position after 3 years of working - I am comparing his job with mine and with some other people - how could my first thought be that?? That he's "worse" off than me and some other people? What makes me think that I'm better than him?

It's really a "weird" feeling that I've been having lately. I suddenly see the "ego" in myself. I see my own thoughts - my own "unhappiness" - it's all due to this little ego which arises now and then. If I'm ever feeling unhappy/happy or whatever other feelings/emotions it's all because of "me". External factors may have cause the event but "I" feel unhappy because it will affect "me".

In contrast - I am starting to lose the passion I had for my current job - it's "auto pilot", just read an article on the "auto pilot" life - and it fits my working situation now. I can't really see where I'm heading, not to say there's anything wrong, I think what I'm doing is still ok, in line with what is required by the job but it's more like me fitting in the job than the job fitting me? I enjoy the side benefits of the job, and I must admit the experience is great... but, well, something seems missing...

Back to my opening of this piece of blog, I am feeling happy - there's still truth in it. I am happy I have taken some time to read, to do some personal errands, to reflect on these inner thoughts (out of subject: it's quite horrifying to learn from the MBTI test I'm 100% introvert, 0% extravert). I must really do something to be a better person from within... someone told me recently to live by my credibility. I really hope I can do that - do what needs to be done, take the feeling/emotion out. I guess I want to add on something to it - take the ego out as well - which I think is the most difficult thing to do. But if I really want to make a good judgement or to decide on what I should do, I have to do it, or I might regret how I live my life now...

ttg

My Personality

2008-04-21T15:23:00.002+08:00

Been reading up a bit on ISFJ type after attending the MBTI workshop by INCOVAR... I am so "ISFJ"...

ttg

Mixed emotions

2008-03-13T23:28:00.002+08:00

Am I truly happy or am I trying to cheat myself? Weird but I can't distinguish between these 2 feelings...

Can I talk about it? Yes. Do I trust anyone to talk about it? No.

What a lonely lonely world I'm living in... Anyway... life goes on... and the best way to get on with life is quite simple actually, as miserable as I may feel at times, there are always things about my life which other people would wish to have... so... just be thankful...

ttg

More omen?

2008-02-10T21:20:00.000+08:00

I spent my Chinese New Year in bed - which may or may not be a bad thing. If I had not been unwell, I would have spent half of my new year working. Yet I had been so sick I did not even check my office mails.

Perhaps it's time to take a short break rather than to "kill" myself working.

There goes my 4 days of CNY hols, in bed!

ttg

Taking care of ourselves

2008-01-27T15:09:00.000+08:00

I once heard of this story about two men who were supposed to balance themselves on the rope or something of that sort. The story goes that the first man who is on the rope will carry the second other man (I assume on his shoulders). The second man is supposed to balance himself on the first man's shoulders. When the first man told the second man not to worry, the first man will take care of the second man, the second man said no. Instead, he said, "Brother, you will take care of yourself to balance yourself on the rope, and I will take care of myself to balance myself on your shoulders. In that way, we will both take care of each other".

It was a wonderful message, I may not have remembered the story accurately, but the message was beautiful. Well, this week, a lot of people have been infected by some kind of flu virus, including my dad and my colleagues. My dad is never in favour of going to see the doctor, and he has not been well for a few days. Finally it got to me, one day before the paintball event organized by my company. Even my mum caught the virus. Same goes to my colleague, she also has the flu but she still goes to work, guess that's my second source of flu virus.

I did the same thing twice before, because I badly wanted to attend some event, I just ignored my own sickness. In the end I infected one other person (to my knowledge).

After this, I'll need to tell myself to put myself first before other people/events. If not, I will end up being the cause of other's misfortune because I cannot take care of other people if I am not taken care of myself.

I suppose companies must strongly take note of this, when a person is sick, let that person be on medical leave because you do not want him/her to go to the office and infect other people!

ttg

The Fast Lane

2008-01-27T14:59:00.000+08:00

As I was driving to work, it suddenly struck me that if I chose to drive in the fast lane, I would drive faster, because that is what fast lane drivers must do - drive fast. If you are not fast, you either retreat to the middle lane, or you would be overtaken by another car in the fast lane.

I started to think that this is what life is about, if we put ourselves in the fast lane, if we wish to stay there, we must drive fast, we must build ourselves to stay in the fast lane. If we were not in the fast lane, there would be less motivation to drive faster, especially if the driver has not experienced the fast lane before. When everyone is driving at your speed, there is no motivation to drive faster, unless you want to take over others.

But, being in the fast lane is different, you drive fast just to keep yourself there, you are not even in the position to take over others.

Perhaps, if I want to succeed, I must put myself in the fast lane... But then, I also noticed that when I'm in the fast lane, I just speed, the journey became shorter and less eventful... I have to be focused on the road, there is no time for other things, no time to look at other cars, no time to entertain my own thoughts... Guess there's always a give and take in every decision we make...

ttg

Hong Kong Disneyland

2008-01-15T01:02:00.000+08:00

I have been in HK for more than one week by now, and I'm feeling extremely lucky. Well, this is 2008. I have made a resolution to be happy in 2008. So far so good. Life has treated me well.

Last Saturday I visited Disneyland. I really feel like it's a sponsored trip by my company. I need to pay the entrance fee and whatever I spent in Disneyland, but how many people get to fly to HK for free and stay for free? Although it's not exactly "free", I need to work, but still, I do not need to go to HK on my own expense, and I am really grateful for it.

I am happy with my life now. While my life still permits me to enjoy life, I have better enjoy it while I can. I am young, I have a good job (which gives me opportunities to experience new things), I have good friends and acquaintances and I do not have a family yet!

It must be the "high" from Disneyland - it feels like entering a fantasy, a dreamland, and I'm glad I have not really waken up yet, and the dreamlike and childhood fantasy mood is spilling into my reality....

I an happy, I am grateful, I am contented... :)

Oh, and I did something which I am proud of today. I returned a watch to a shop, which I honestly, have accidentally forgotten to take out from my wrist after I tried on the watches. I am happy to have done an honest deed!

ttg

A "contentment" a day makes the doctor goes away

2007-12-18T07:58:00.000+08:00

Perhaps I should start to practise this. After the "7 bliss in 7 days incident", I tend to look for more good things in my life, even with some last minute assignments that i got last week. Well, life does look more pretty with a more positive outlook. I think this was one of the points brought up by Bro NW in the Buddhist Devotional Practices talk which I attended last week in BGF, part of the 6 series of EMT. And I did managed to look for something good, at least one thing, in every day of my life.

20071209 (Sun) - Attended the Buddhist Devotional Practices talk by Bro. NW at BGF. Was good, either I was prepared to listen or he was really very good in his talk. Reminded me of how I've tried these practices about 10 years ago, but somehow I have "forgotten" about it along the way. I must make some effort to get back on the path...

20071210 (Mon) - Had dinner with WS at the Jap restaurant at Bugis Junction, and bought my Christmas gift for DC's Xmas Party on Sat, and also a small souvenir for myself. I was very happy with my purchase.

20071211 (Tue) - Nothing much happened, actually, it was quite a full day and we ended up going home at about 9pm. Had soup at Bugis Junction with TC.

20071212 (Wed) - Went to Bugis Junction again to get the same Xmas gift for my parents. Then went to Long Beach at East Coast Park for chilli crab, with EF, AT, DN, and HL.

20071213 (Thu) - Went to Bugis Junction again! This time to change the Xmas gift for another set, cause it was a bit faulty. And I bought a few more pieces of Xmas gifts for my colleagues. After that... another chilli crab dinner at Jumble, Clarke Quay, with EF, AT, DN and DL... it was DL's birthday!

20071214 (Fri) - Managed to crunch out some numbers yesterday night (which resulted in only 2 hours sleep). Anyway, quite happy with it though I was quite tired the rest of the day. PM treated us to Egyption lunch at Cafe La Caire. Then - I wonder what luck we had - at the airport, we were queing for check-in, for security check, and had to rush to buy some alchoholic drinks and then rushed to snap a few pictures, and rushing to the gate for boarding... but it was fun, haha, doing this with DN and DL.

20071215 (Sat) - Xmas party at Izzi, KL! Games were fun... good company...

20071216 (Sun) - Attended the last of the EMT series, which was on "Time Management". Interesting... a lot of very good ideas brought up by the speaker TK Chan.
I should do this more often, reflect on the good incidents every day, appreciate my life now, and look forward to life with a good purpose every day!

20071217 (Mon) - Came back to MY office... Quite good to be able to have a reunion with my previous project team. A couple of surprises (good and bad) in store for me as well.

ttg

There's an end to everything good

2007-12-08T19:10:00.000+08:00

After my 7 blessings, I do not know how to describe what my next 7 days will be. It started on Friday night actually, with a phonecall at 8pm, "can you work tonight"? Today I get a list of things to do. I guess after the initial project peak and the sudden off-peak I had last week (which I'm very thankful for), the exhaustation is kicking in, feeling tired these few days.

Not good... dont' feel like working at all.

ttg

7 Blessings in 7 Days

2007-12-08T18:54:00.000+08:00

From last Sun to this Sat, there are "7 blessings" in total which I've counted on my flight back to Malaysia on Thu. This is triggered by blessing #6. While I'm on the flight after that, it made me think that I should maybe really learn to let go of the past and to live in the present. After all, the world's not going to cry with you...

1. Attending BK's and CJ's wedding dinner - reunion with coursemates was a bonus.

2. Free lunch by a Malaysian colleague (EF) at Sushi Tei near Singapore office.

3. Lunch with 2 ex and 2 current colleagues (SL,WS,DL,DN), who were/are all in the same project. Venue: some Jap restaurant in Chinatown Point.

4. Lunch with ex colleague (WS) at Raffles City Plaza, again, Sushi Tei.

5. Catching a musical performance by a trio (soloist, pianist, bass cellist) at Changi Airport. Very impressive rendition of Hopeless Devloted to You, Stand by Me, Under the Boardwalk, etc.

6. Meeting my coursemate (SL) on SQ airline when: (1) I seldom take SQ, it's like 10% of my total fligts, (2) I have not met SL for years, I just met her at BK's and CJ's wedding dinner, and I met her again less than a week later (3) She's the flight attendant at the row I'm sitting!

7. Get to attend 2 days training on Fri & Sat

ttg

Random Points

2007-12-05T19:30:00.000+08:00

1. Singapore weather - It has been very windy the past few days, and finally it rained the whole day today. Office was so cold!

2. New shoes curse - This has happened to several of my new slippers. Whenever I wear new slippers, I will get caught in rainy day and there goes my new shoes... their first "shower"...

3. Walking in the rain - I used to want to walk in the rain when I was young, because I was not allowed to, and all the movies with walking in the rain scenes, seem fun. Now that I get to walk in the rain, alone, just to cross the road to get some food, approximately 300-400m from the hotel, it's absolutely miserable! It's cold, with heavy rain, the wind is blowing, my clothes and shoes were soaked :( I guess walking in the rain is only fun if (a) you are still a child (b) you are walking with a bunch of friends (c) you are walking with that special someone...

4. New working style - I'm still trying to get used to not feeling uncomfortable coming to work after 9, with odd working hours, 3 weeks peak then off-peak, and working past 24 hours when it's peak, then you get a day off...

5. Life's kinda... just passing by... I seem indifferent to things...

ttg

4 Nov - 10 Nov (Deepavali in SG!)

2007-11-11T02:17:00.000+08:00

This is kind of a cultural week to me...
4 Nov - Flight to SG was delayed again by 20 min.

5 Nov - Went to client's office for the first time. Beautiful! Had meeting with my big big boss for the first time. I never imagine someone his rank would know the details of the project that well. Food: yong tau fu for lunch and vietnamese food for dinner

6 Nov - Did some work and surf for info... Food: Thai pineapple fried rice for lunch and Ya Kun Kaya Toast for dinner

7 Nov - Another long long meeting... Food: Japanese set lunch bought by my boss (though he himself didn't manage to eat any since he had to handle something urgent on the phone) and fish noodle for dinner. Then went to buy a SIM card for SG. TV was switched on, and Beautiful Mind was on at 12:30 (after I shower). So I continue to watch till 2:30 - wanted to watch this for a long long time...

8 Nov - Holiday! Started my day by taking bus no. 64 to Little India. The whole street is full of Indians. Tried to make my way into the Indian temple, only to find that those going in and out are all males, exccept for one lady who was on her way out. So I moved away from there, and went to Mustafa Centre. Interesting place which looks like Mydin.

Took MRT to Orchard at 12pm. Met my schoolmate for lunch at din Tai Fung, Wisma Atria. We hopped to Taka (where I took photos of the teddies on display - cute!), and then to Borders at Wheelock.

At 3+, bought EZLink card and took MRT to Raffles Place and went to Asian Civilization Museum. Free entrance on public holiday! They had an exhibition on Nalanda Trail - what the monks would see and objects of meditation on the Silk Road, from China to India, when they went there to study Buddhism.

Then I took MRT back to Orchard, bought yakitori (or toriyaki, I'm not such a big Japanese food fan) from Taka, and headed to the nearest bus station to take bus 123 back to my hotel. What I didn't know is that, the buses have their own designated stops. So, I saw 123 before I cross the street. When I had crossed the street and looked at the listing of buses, it felt funny, 123 was not listed, yet, it was listed on the route. The guy I asked said he does not take 123, so he's not sure. But by right if you see it there on the route, it will pass by. 2nd bus #123 arrived. There's left signal so I assumed it would stop, but it didn't slow down as it was approaching. I raised my hand last minute, and it just shot by. A girl told me maybe I raised my hand too late. Ok, then the 3rd bus #123 arrived. I raised my hand early to wave, but it still shot by! Enough, I think I might catch it at the next stop, so I headed down the road. Sure enough, 123 is listed at the next stop. Imagine I spent almost one hour to wait for 4 bus no. 123! But I think I should be smarter next time with the buses in Singapore. Reached hotel, eat, and watched "Shall We Dance" till 9:30...

9 Nov - My lunch partner broke our appointment :(, had to eat yong tau fu on my own. Spent the day doing some analysis... and finally, fly home to MY! Something not so nice happened, scary!

10 Nov - Went to "wang lao xian shi" for lunch. Then bought some sundries, then went for my neighbour's buffet wedding dinner - a small one for neighbourhood people before the big day tomorrow. Have to skip the main dinner as I'm flying off to SG in the noon... And I'm watching Paycheck now! Tomorrow gotta wake up latest by 7:30...

ttg

29 Oct - 3 Nov

2007-11-03T19:01:00.000+08:00

29 Oct - Brought my car for service - drove ~1150km by this time :) Bought Klang Valley Street Directory at ~1pm. Slightly after 2pm, my PM decided to send me to SG for 5 weeks. I was supposed to depart on Wed. ~10pm, read my PM's email on the new engagement.

30 Oct - Settled my travel arrangements, and handed over my current responsibilities to my colleague.

31 Oct - MH flight to SG was delayed by one hour! New project team has 3 members, started to read up and do some data sorting. Had Indonesian food for lunch, and fish noodle for dinner (at a coffee shop at the ground floor of a flat). Fish noodle was quite tasteless thought the fried fish was ok. Then walked to Robertson Walk to buy mineral water. I spent in total one hour walking to get dinner and mineral water.

1 Nov - Brought my laptop to see doctor, i.e. SG IT. Very happy - battery was changed because it's faulty, and IT helped me to clean my start-up list to make it boot faster. Had first con-call with big boss, he did most of the talking - briefing us on the project. Had toast and soft-boiled egg for breakfast, Indian food for lunch, and sandwich and instant vegetarian noodle for dinner.

2 Nov - Discussion whole day... Had roti prata for breakfast, fish noodle for lunch and Burger King at Terminal 1, Changi Airport for dinner. Took Japan Airlines back to Malaysia, it's actually more comfortable than MAS, they provide pillow and blanket for the 40 minutes flight, and apple juice (which tasted good, not sweet). The safety instructions shown were also very engaging and interesting to watch - with the cartoon like characters.

3 Nov - Went to buy some hair accessories, has been looking for this type of accesory for weeks. Then went to buy a new mouse as my mouse was not working yesterday. Summary of conversation with my dad.

Me: My mouse is not working, I need to get a new one.
Dad: You killed the mouse?
Me: Ya, half dead. It got stroke for half its body, the part which I used more.

This is my 6th type of mouse that I have been using:

1st type: Wire non-optical mouse with no scroller button.
2nd type: Wire non-optical mouse with scroller button.
3rd type: Wire optical mouse with scroller button.
4th type: Retractable wire optical mouse with scroller button.
5th type: Wireless optical mouse with scroller button.
6th type: Uni-retractable wire optical mouse with scroller button.

There was another conversation with my colleague on our company's mouse by the Malaysia and Singapore office. Conclusion on the two "mice":

The Malaysia mouse is black in colour, fatter and bigger in size, and consumes too much and not long lasting in nature (wireless mouse consuming too much battery). The Singapore mouse is white in colour, sleeker and smaller in size, and disobedient and senstitive in nature (doesn't go where you want it to go, and sensitive to the clicks).

ttg

Question from Someone's Blog

2007-09-23T22:34:00.000+08:00

...When something is lost, how can we find it back?...

There was no comment on his blog for this single line blog entry. But this line captured my attention, over and over again everytime I visit his blog. I supposed there is no exact answer to this question, in some situations it would be let it go and see if it comes back, in others it would be to work for it in order to find it again. Another real life lesson to understand the eight worldly contingencies:

Gain and loss,

Fame and disgrace,

Praise and blame,

Pleasure and pain.

ttg

Facebook is educational

2007-09-23T22:29:00.001+08:00

I leveled up for "Superpoke" application and new actions were added to my Superpoke list of actions. I innocently my colleagues asked about what an action means, which seems meaningless to me. They immediately disapproved of me using that action, and we soon went into a series of search on the actions listed in Superpoke. Seems like www.urbandictionary.com covers most of the terms. Well, sometimes it's better to know about things you shouldn't do, rather than not knowing that there is such a thing in the world.

ttg

One Additional Item to my Wishlist

2007-09-23T22:25:00.000+08:00

Visit Angkor Wat in Cambodia

ttg

Are You On Google?

2007-09-15T23:06:00.000+08:00

I typed in my name, and I'm listed on google. It went on to a series of search on the people I know. I never knew a friend of my attended a symposium during her uni days, and got quoted on her presentation. A few others were listed on their uni's dean list, and other awards list. Some wrote on political views, some were contest winners, some shared on their travel experience, etc. I also searched via name and email on Friendster, again, interesting results. How much do we reveal on ourselves on the internet?

ttg

Facebook / Multiply / Friendster.

2007-09-01T19:36:00.000+08:00

I'm getting addicted to Facebook since joining on last Thursday. I haven't fully explored its functionality, but it seems pretty extensive. I've spent my past few days responding to friends' request and adding various applications, which was actually quite fun. Wonder how many hours people put into such online communities.

As for me, been online quite a lot these few days -trying out the features in Facebook, browsing my friends' pages in Friendster, downloading songs from Multiply. I lost count of how many communities I've registered, too many to keep track of.

ttg

My Wish List

2007-08-26T23:08:00.000+08:00

Was listening to some Chinese songs, and typed the "han yu pin yin" to the songs. Then I thought it would be nice to resume learning to read and write in Chinese, from there came my wish list...

As at 11:55pm, 26 Aug 07, my wish list consists of the following items:

Buy my parents a trip - To somewhere in China, my dad would love that.
Climb Mount Kinabalu - I've wanted to do this since a long time ago.
Converse in Hokkien - Simply because I'm Hokkien yet I can't speak my own dialect.
Drive - Maybe it's more precise to put it as to drive on my own.
Go for backpacking trip - To anywhere! I missed the time I had in Paris, Barcelone, Granada and London.
Have my own music room - So that I can play whatever and whenever I want to.
Live in the suburbs - I've neved had the chance to live long enough in such places. Though lots of people say it's boring, I won't know until I've tried.
Look slimmer - Who doesn't want to look slimmer??
Perform as part of a music group - Love the feeling of how voices and instruments and sounds can blend to form a masterpiece. It's not quite the same as solo performance. It's another kind of "magic".
Play Chopin's Fantasie Impromptu - Ever since I heard my piano teacher played it, it's a masterpiece to me, yet I have not learned to master it yet.
Play piano duet - Somehow I never get to play a proper piano duet, other than playing with my piano teacher, and they were supposed to serve to improve sight reading and timing.
Play the flute - I love the sound of it.
Play the violin - Read before the violin is the master of all instruments or something like that. Would love to be able to play a decent violin piece.
Read in Chinese - I think I missed out a lot because I'm not able to read in Chinese, my dad always says there's a lot to gain from Chinese literature.
Read in Korean - I have started to learn a little and I like how the Korean characters are written, they are rather cute. Would be great to be able to master a foreign language.
Read LOTR - I just obtained the whole set, guess I should read it, since it's another piece of masterpiece literature.
Ride the bicycle - I wonder why I'd never took up learning how to ride one, I dreamed of riding the bicycle once in a while.
Swim - Somehow I would like to be able to swim, though I know I am scared of water.
Visit Disneyland - I love theme parks and all those amusement park rides, I feel like a kid again.
Visit The Alps in Switzerland - Got this wish after watching Heidi when I was young. The mountains and valleys look simply fabulous in the movie.

ttg