Insights

Something happened today, and a lot has happened lately, which prompts me to reach certain conclusions, or insights. These may be trivial findings but they are breakthroughs in my thinking, so to me, they are rightfully termed as "insights".

I haven't visited this blog for long. The lotus plant in my backyard has long been destroyed - a result of ego, wrong understanding, wrong thoughts and wrong action. However, I believe the spirit of the lotus lives on. I have planted a seed and it will continue to grow as long as I do not kill it completely. The seed I've planted is the seed to rise from muddiness, to expel ignorance. I believe it's still growing, maybe it has seasons. It blossoms when the conditions allow it to blossom, it withers when it does not receive enough care, and it sorts of hibernates when it's waiting for the right conditions for it to blossom again.

I had a dream early last month which relates to this. In my dream, I covered a fake monk, who's my friend. An elderly monk spotted him, asked him something, then turned to me, held my face, rubbed away my sweat (his assistant even commented I sweat a lot!) and then the elderly monk said that my face have a lot of 人. I always think about people when I need to make decisions. My IQ is high. His assistant reiterated, there are a lot of 人 letters underneath my eyes. After that, another lady monk passed by, she said something about what will happen is based on the seeds sowed.

I consider this a highly auspicious dream, which tells me a lot about myself - 人 is my strength and my weakness. I am clever (and I am hindered/supported by the people element. Personally, I think the message is that I should not worry about what other people think or how they would perceive me. I should plan the right seeds and the right results will follow.

Today, someone told me that I should be cautious not to stepped over other people's boundary; as all of us have our own roles and responsibilities. Sometimes we do too much and get blamed for it. I agreed with the person, but for the next hour or two, I found that I was extremely unsettled and wished to consult other people about this. Did I really do something wrong and how should I correct the situation? I realised that there is a fine line between doing beyond duty and keeping to your boundary. The intention is to help, and to treat all beings and all objects in the world as yourself. I'm the world and the world is me. However, how did this ended up that I might have stepped on someone else's tail and might be a dent in our relationship, and I might even get blamed for doing more that what I should do?

I have found my own answer to this now. Do what is right to get the task done. Again, there is the fine line between doing what is right to a person and what is right to the issue. I have chosen the issue for now, and I will live with the consequence. What I should do next is to let go of what has happened and go to bed. Tomorrow will be another day.

I am also worried about this because of reputation, because of how people will view me. Then I realised, reputation is a result. I should be caring about my conduct, and the reputation will follow. The focus should never be reputation as this is just an end result.

(What the hell, it's 11:40pm now and I see my Colleagues going online on Messenger. This is a sign, don't people ever sleep in my organization and is this the organization I want to work in? What value does my organization has and how does it fits into my personal value? I'll have to give a thought to it some day)

One final thing, I've also thought to post this on FB. Then I thought about my desire to share - is this driven by the desire to show that I have discovered something or by the desire I'm sharing for the welfare of others? I think it's more of the former, and I'm not proud of it.. So I'm blogging here, where I know not many people will read, maybe none at all...

ttg