Do Not Judge

Sometimes in life we have difficulties which we cannot talk about.. that might lead others to make false conclusions of the situation. I hope that I will always remember this..

~ttg @ Realized Tranquility of the Heart~

The Four Brahmaviharas

This is yet another post about the brahmaviharas.. Can't help it. Ever since the retreat, I keep on reflecting on how much guidance I've had on how to manage my emotions, which emotions should I "choose" to have.. Yes, it's actually possible to choose which emotion to apply in various circumstances and most of the time I manage to pick one to apply. As long as they are one of these four, or any other good emotions, then I know I'm "safe".

The other one is concentration on breathing, which really helps tremendously to calm down my emotions and my thoughts.. Strangely, yesterday night before I went to sleep, I actually am able to see that whenever my thoughts are not in the present, or whenever I'm thinking about something, it's obviously not the present because I'm thinking either about the past or the future, my thoughts and emotions are stirred and I became more active in a sense which makes it harder to go to sleep, and I have to constantly tell my mind what I was thinking of, and bring it back to the present breath..

I think both works hand in hand to make me more mindful of what's going on..


~ttg @ Realized Tranquility of the Heart~

Thank You

It's year end, same as other people, it's a time which makes me feel like I'd like to thank a lot of people. Perhaps this feeling increase year by year. I have achieved a lot in the past year. I managed to get my life back into balance, I had my first two retreats, I read some sutras, I helped out my organization with some membership systems.. All this isn't my achievement alone. There were so many people along the way, and whatever we had achieved, it's something all of us achieved, it's not my achievement alone.

~ttg @ Realized Tranquility of the Heart~

Beginning Anew in 2012

Here's some questions for reflection from the StillWaterMPC newsletter:

In what ways have I acted wisely and skillfully, towards myself and others in 2011?

In 2011 were there actions I took (or actions I failed to take) that I regret? I now can see how they created suffering for myself or others.

Were there times I was hurt in 2011 and did not allow myself to fully experience my own suffering? Did I deny, suppress, minimize, or rationalize my suffering so that I was not able to acknowledge it to myself or others?

What can I learn from the ways I have acted in 2011? As I begin 2012, are there intentions I wish to set? Are there new ways of acting and responding that I wish to nourish?

Good questions for sharing. For me, I think I'll just write down the answers in my journal..

~ttg @ Realized Tranquility of the Heart~

Accounting for Non-Profit Organizations

Due to a recent mini project, I have to refresh my knowledge and memory about accounting.. Luckily can still remember a bit, as I haven't touched accounting since 2004 :)

~ttg @ Realized Tranquility of the Heart~

Enlightenment

From Still Water Mindfulness Practice Center newsletter dated Dec 21, 2011

From May 10, 1998 Dharma Talk by Thich Nhat Hanh:

I said before that if we have not made any mistakes, there is no way for us to learn. So that is why to look deeply, and to see the nature of the act, the nature of interbeing of the act in the light of non-self, we see that that is a kind of act, that is a kind of speech that has created suffering. That moment when you see it, when you recognize it, that is enlightenment, because enlightenment is always enlightenment of something, or about something. The moment when you see that this is the lack of skillfulness on your part and on the part of many ancestors who have transmitted the seed to you, then that is already enlightenment, that is already meditation, that is already deep looking. And out of that enlightenment you are motivated by a desire that you would not like to do that again. So that desire, that aspiration is a strong energy, a strong energy that can make you alive, that can help you to protect yourself, to protect all the future generations within you, and that insight is very liberating. And if you know that you are not going to do the same thing again, you are already free, and your ancestors are also free, and there is no need to be caught in your feeling of culpability.

May we always be blessed with continuous mini enlightenments in our lives.

~ttg @ Realized Tranquility of the Heart~

House No 62

I've had some strange dreams in the past 3 days, which gave me the feeling that I want to continue with the dream when I wake up, but this feeling could also be caused by my desire to continue sleeping due to lack of sleep..

Dream on House No 62Anyway, I'll start with today's dream on house no 62. It's a pretty long dream, starting from myself and another roommate, I suspect it's BL, who used to be my roommate, in a dark room. It has black floor, but smooth, not coarse, two beds on each side of the room, not well lited, and the room is comfortably spacious too, like our 1st college room, block E. It's overall can be described as a not-so-well lighted room but with reasonable space as a room in a student hostel. Somehow we had to find bath rooms, because the one at our floor kind of malfunction, the water from the next room splash into the next one, from what I still remember vaguely from the dream, so I was already undressed, I just put on a towel and went to some sort of library, which others were of course surprised to see me in towel looking for bathroom. Thinking back now, it's kind of embarassing too.. but in my dream, I think I was frustrated with malfunctioning bathrooms and didn't care. I told them it's because of bathroom which didn't work that I'm there.. and they led me to functioning bathroom, but it was very cramped, the walls were of rough cement..

The next thing I remember, I went on I think a tuk tuk? with AT if I still remember correctly, to scout for alternative places to stay. We arrived at a road with semi-Ds / bungalow type of houses, very peaceful and nice looking houses, and the driver dropped us in front of house No 62. I asked AT, which house are we visiting, she said "62", same as the number on her bag (big print of "62" in blue, on beige canvas bag). We entered, and we have to take off our shoes. The house is mostly white in colour, and is really a huge and clean mansion. There are green grass outside, some potted plants, and I think I also saw a pet lizard and pet tortoise, plus one other exotic animal which I can't remember what it is. Once inside the building, we see a few groups of people in discussion or chatting.. and there are two staircases on left and right leading upstairs. I told AT, it's weird, these people just allow outsiders to come in and they do not ask us anything? We went up, and the rooms were simply gorgeous, all doors were opened so we can see the interior of each room, beautifully decorated, and I could only remember the distinct part of each room is that all have 2 white chairs, which must have been standard furniture for each room.. and the rest of it, too beautiful for me to see what is the standard furniture and what is personal. Somehow we lie down on a couch.. and then some people came up, bringing their pets too, and there's a man who has a furry dog (grey and white), who asked his dog to "gently bite" people, actually by the dog or the person kissing the dog and I guess the dog would playfully bite the other person's tongue or whatever, and he asked me to try the bite.. and I said no, as I can't bring myself to kiss doggies.. That's all I remember..

I kept thinking about this dream about house no 62 and trying to see what it's implying, here's my deduction, which obviously my perception and thinking has been affected by my current absorption with Buddhism..
- Why people did not question who we were, and did not welcome us either? But they were all peaceful looking. I think cause it's something like the ehipassiko, come and see. They are like the sangha, a peaceful community in a harmonious dwelling. They do not need to question our presence, because they do not fear outsiders, and they welcome all. However, they do not purposely welcome because there is no need for them to promote or to introduce, it's up to the outsiders to see what's there
- Why I felt fear.. well, cause there is still fear in me..
- The difference about house no 62 and the earlier part of my dream, is like 2 dwellings, one is bright, one is dark, which one should I choose, how come I was staying in the dark one, and now that I have a chance to see the bright one, I am mesmerized by it and at the same time I am doubtful of why it could exist in such a beautiful way
- I still have the thoughts that I am entitled to something, clearly depicted with my reaction to the malfunctioning bathroom, and my disrespect to others when I was trying to find another bathroom just in towel! And also wrong speech as I angrily told people the bathroom is not functioning, and using that to justify my wrong behaviour.. and all the wrong actions / thoughts come from where? Me..

Dream on my own houseYesterday, I had a dream that my uncle's house was moved brick by brick to my house as they renovated or moved into another house. This cause my house to have more compartments, more rooms, and it also has a smaller living room with a four seated swing (brown colour cushions), and I think the house is rotating? overlooking the bright scery outside which keeps rotating. It also has a room like, KT's room, downstairs, with bookshelves of some books which I would have loved to read but I can't remember what they are now. I was also mesmerized by the beauty of my own home, I had the feeling that, wow, I did not realized my own house has so many things which I do not know of! And I went to take my camera, trying to take pictures of them. I remember trying to take pictures of the rotating view, but the camera wasn't functioning well.

Dream on my school busThis is a dream I had the day before yesterday. Actually I can't remember much of it, other than the fact that I got on a wrong bus (Uncle's bus) when we were supposed to change bus, and I thought I was late but I was still on time. Then I got on the correct bus (M's bus, and M has sent me to school since I was 7).. He dropped me at my house, at 9 am sharp, and right after I got off the bus, my alarm clock rang. Right on time because I knew that my adventures in the dream has ended and I was going home, so I got sent home and woken up to return to my life at home

~ttg @ Realized Tranquility of the Heart~

Various Thoughts

I am tackling the Surangama Sutra, using the version translated by Charles Luk. It is indeed a difficult text for my not-so-enlightened mind. I am still struggling through it. The only part which I think I "truly understand" based on my current level of understanding, is the part on individual karma and collective karma, which is just 2 pages out of the 100 pages I've read so far, and the whole text plus commentaries is 330 pages in total... I have just 1.5 weeks of leave remaining for me to do things at my own pace (including trying to complete studying this text at least for one time by then), how time flies!! :(

My parents were out for the entire morning, yesterday and today. I realized that I truly enjoyed the silence, I don't mean that I dislike my parents' presence in the house, but then, I really like being alone, having the opportunity to do morning puja on my own for one hour, play the piano without the TV background for one hour, watch a drama about Zhong Kui god for one hour, etc. I simply like the feeling of doing all these alone.

When I was playing the piano today, I realized that the morning puja/meditation might have helped me in keeping a better tempo, and a slow one too. I also find that it was easy to drive slowly on the road. In fact, driving and 60km/h might have been a bit too slow for most people, including for myself in the past, but somehow, it seems a nice pace to drive when I drive recently, which is just a few times, averaging once every 1 or 2 weeks for the past couple of months. Perhaps this is what SH meant when he said he enjoyed driving slowly. I think I've either heard this directly from him or from someone else who spoke about him.

I recognized a lot of bad feelings arising in myself, including impatience, anger, jealousy, betrayed, resentment, disbelief, doubt, etc, which I hope I had made some progress spiritually, at least I recognized them now. I would think there are still a lot of states of mind that I do not recognize, but good enough that I recognize what I do now, and manage to control my thoughts around them.

I know why I could not settle things directly with the person who causes the negative emotions or reactions from myself. My personality has always been that I would avoid talking about it directly with that person, but talk about it with other people instead. I know where it came from and due to some reasons, I could not disclose it here.. but I just want to say, I am happy to know it, and hope that by knowing where the cause lies, I will be able to improve myself when I face similar situations in the future.. at least I can ask myself a question, why am I not speaking to the person whom I'm hurt with? Why am I looking for person B (whoever this person may be) to speak to?

I am indeed attached to Plum Village chants and songs and practices, I hope for a good reason. I'm reading the 5 Mindfulness Trainings text from time to time, which still looks very cluttered and full of so many little trainings within each training, in a haphazard way. But I can pick out more little trainings that I can relate to when I read them, hopefully this is also a sign that I am progressing on the path.

I read a passage from "The Awakening of Loving Kindness" booklet, which is a compilation of talks by Master Chin Kung, and I'm grateful that it talks a bit about the Paramita of Deep Concentration, using a reference to the Diamond Sutra.
...The most important criteria in helping others are deep concentration and wisdom; that is to not be attached to phenomena but to maintain the mind of tranquility...not to be attached to external forms and to maintain the mind of stillness within. Not to be attached to external forms is not to be attached to phenomena, while maintaining the mind of stillness means that we do not have greed, angerl or ignorance as we encounter external conditions. When we encounter external conditions but are unaffected and can thus help others, it is due to our deep concentration and wisdom.
Without deep contentration, we will be unable to educate others, but would instead be swayed by them and end up being confused about the whole situation How does this happen? When we are in contact with others and things do our way, thoughts of greed arise. When things do not go our way, anger and hatred arise because we lack deep concentration and wisdom. With deep concentration and wisdom, we will not have thoughts of greed, hatred, or anger in any circumstance, whether they re favourable or unfavourable.

From here, I understand more about my Dharma name, Realized Tranquility of the Heart. I aspire to be able to instill peace in my surroundings by starting with myself. I have also always have doubts about how much can I help others when my own life seems to be not according to the way I want, and I feel that I have not found my calling. Ven Buddharakhitta advised to my anonymous question to let the dust settle and I will be able to see. I can see the dust settling now, still a lot more dust flying but some of it has started to still. Anyway, back to how the passage by Master Chin Kung enlightened me, I need to have concentration and wisdom within myself, to be able to help others or to be able to instill peace in my surroundings. The reason why I failed, was because I have the intention to instill peace but I'm too soft-hearted and easily swayed by people and circumstances.

Hmm.. this suddenly reminds me of an encounter with an aunty in Shanghai who offered to give me a free fortune telling which of course requires a small fee at the end, but she said I am too soft hearted and I need to be more "hard" to get what I want. At that time, it could be due to my thinking or her point of view, that she has used another example to explain this which I can relate to, which due to certain reasons I cannot disclose that example too. But enough to say, by now, what I thought I wanted, I no longer crave for it so strongly now, and I hope I am truly letting go of it.

I will continue to plant more seeds of what I want, e.g. to be close to the Triple Gem, to realized my calling, to be able to be of service to others open-heartedly without any resentment, and without expectations. I understand that not all seeds will grow, so I have to plant a lot of seeds, in hope that some of them will grow.

~ttg @ Realized Tranquility of the Heart~

Meditation on Loving Kindness and Other Sublime States

I picked up this book, written by Ven Sujiva, from BGF on Nov 24, before we head for the Plum Village retreat at Genting. As CA and I arrived quite early at Genting View Resort, and I don't have much to do since I'm not a committee, I have some time to browse through this book, and eventually got me hooked to finish reading the book. One of the aspects of this book which really helped me, was how it breaks down the Metta Sutta, and listing the different suttas relating to Metta.

Point #1There is a section on "The Conditioned Nature of Metta", where the opening paragraph reads as such:

In the first part of the metta sutta, we come across conditions important for one who wishes to develop metta. If we study them we can see into their relevance and as to what way it works as it concerns our practic of it in our daily lives.
(1) He should be capable
(2) He should be frank
(3) Extremely honest
(4) One should be meek
(5) Gentle
(6) Not proud
(7) Contented
(8) Easy to support
(9) Have few duties
(10) Frugal
(11) Serene in faculties
(12) Prudent
(13) Free from rudeness
(14) Not favouring in families
(15) He should not do even the slightest thing which other wise men might deplore

Why it "enlightened" me - it's because, somehow, although I've read the sutta numerous times, I had the impression that this first part of the sutta describes the quality of a person with metta. But after reading the opening paragraph, actually, it's just the first sentence - I understand that these qualities are required in preparation for metta cultivation.

Point #2How Ven. Sujiva describes the 4 bramaviharas, their qualities and how to select individuals to radiate these brahmaviharas

...The 4 brahmaviharas are:
(1) Metta
(2) Karuna
(3) Mudita
(4) Upekkha

...Individuals may be classified into 5 categories
(1) extremely intimate
(2) lovable
(3) indifferent
(4) unpleasant
(5) hostile

...In a way the first 3 are different shades of each other. Compassion and Symphathetic Joy can overlap with Metta but not with each other. Compassion sees into the suffering of beings while Symphatetic Joy sees into their happiness. Metta can be applied to both situations. Equanimity however differs in the sense of being a detached (yet with understanding) state.

Metta
...In selecting an individual as an initial object of metta bhavana, one is advised to choose the 2nd, a lovable individual because metta can arise easily. The 1st may arouse attachment, the 3rd may pose some difficulties and the 4th and 5th may arouse anger instead. One is also advised against giving it to the opposite sex as it may arouse lust. One's mother of he, or father of she, is usually not preferred for the unstable ind may wanter to another of the opposite sex. The other individual not recommended is the deceased because it does not produce deep concentration as the person is no longer present and is already in different state.
... The lovable should be alive and of the same sex as one. Lovable means he inspires metta in you, he would most likely be one with a lot of metta himself besides many other virtues like morality, concentration, wisdom, patience, humility and so on. It is someone when you think of or meet with a lot of respect and friendliness. Someone whom you can call a true friend.

Karuna
...For a start, it should not be anyone too close which could cause grief. It should not be a hostile one which we could even be glad about it! The opposite sex and dead are also not suitable. We are advised not to consider whether he is dead, neutral or hostile. Instead we ought to choose one who we can clearly see as suffering.

Mudita
...Usually it is not easy for this state of mind to arise, especially when one sees another doing better than oneself. It is often easier to feel indifferent or even jealous. For a lot of people it has to be cultivated. So for a start one is advised to do it to a very intimate person. One is more likely to rejoice in his happiness owing to closeness.
... One cannot help but notice the fact that mudita is a more lighter emotion than the previous two. In fact it is like a high pitch or fine clouds that ifts up one high and quickly.
...In mudita one should be careful one does not fall into joyful attachment and satisfaction to worldly things. One has to remember one's mindfulness and keep the mind in control and detached.

Upekkha
... for more effective practice, one would need to study and understand what kamma is, and how these actions can bring about their results. Comparatively this state of mind is far more detached, and often misunderstood as cold. Usually it is more suitable to apply the other 3 divine abidings first and when they fail or is unwise to do so, one will then resort to equanimity. For eg. when it is too difficult to change a wicked man's heart, it is best to keep a distance. In another case it may be someone who cannot escape death, we can use compassion and then maintain an equanimous state when he dies. Equanimity also occurs frequently when much detachment is summoned when one devotes one's effort to one's own purification first.
.. In the practice of upekkha bhavana one first selects the neutral person... When one has done so successfully with the neutral person, one can proceed to the dear one and the rest in the same way.

Why I felt that these selected passages helped in my understanding:
- It provides some additional context to what Ven Buddharakhitta spoke about. E.g. why people usually do not choose to radiate Mudita
- It explains why the selection of different individuals would be beneficial for different type of brahma vihara
- It categorizes the individuals
- It categorizes the 4 brahmaviharas, where it overlaps and where it it's different
- It explains the way the lines for each brahma vihara can be recited, aspirations multiplied by unspecified individuals (class of beings), directional and specified individusals

This post is not intended to be a proper book review. I just wanted to post about it because I appreciate the understanding I've gained from reading it.. May it be of benefit to others too!

~ttg @ Realized Tranquility of the Heart~

In, Out, Deep, Slow

Thanks to the brothers and sisters of the Morning Dew group, and the Plum Village sister who facilitated our group, Than Ngim if not mistaken? Sorry but I could never remember her name properly, though I remember her face very well - I get to learn this song and memorize it very well too. We were "forced and tricked" by sister to prepare a performance voluntarily for the final day, and we ended up deciding we would present this song (with a surprise to the 2nd part of the performance) with mindful moments. This is also one of those songs which stick in my mind, and really helps to give me something to concentrate on when I'd like to concentrate on breathing..

In, out, deep, slow
Calm, ease, smile, release
Present moment
Wonderful moment

Sadhu! :)

~ttg @ Realized Tranquility of the Heart~

May My Mind Turn to Others

This is a song by Ravenna Michalsen. I like it because of the simple lyrics and tunes

May my mind turn to others
May I not think just of myself

May my mind turn to others
May I not think just of myself

But when I do
May I hold my heart in tenderness

But when I do
May I hold my heart with both hands

Just like I hope to hold all sentient beings

~ttg @ Realized Tranquility of the Heart~

Disconnect vs Detach

According to Bhante Kumara, these two words have different meanings, as given in the simile below. Apologies as I might have diverted from the original version, as I wasn't paying full attention:

A meditator went to a retreat wanting to not to feel her leg. I supposed this is because she wanted to cut off the uneasiness in her legs which might appear after sitting still for too long). This is disconnection, but how can you cut off something which is part of yourself and then expect that this will lead you to enlightenment quicker? If that's the case, does that mean that blind people, deaf people, disabled people would have higher chances to gain enlightenment quicker? The Buddha also did not cut off his dissatisfaction, he embraces it. Same with feelings, we cannot selectively choose our feelings, like we want to feel only joy, happiness, and not feel sorrow and pain. If we selectively cut off something from ourselves, that's when we feel "incomplete" because we cut something out.

Detachment, on the other hand, is recognizing all things and feelings and yet not attached to it.. and this is the purpose of meditation.. knowing what is there and letting it be, not letting it bind us.

~ttg @ Realized Tranquility of the Heart~

Mobile status updates

I've thought about this on several occasions, when I thought about:
- Why should I buy iPhone or other smartphones? Should I give myself the opportunity to stay connected all the time, and the opportunity to be addicted to being connected? On the other hand, when I'm traveling, the ability to get instant information via 3G would be nice.. I can live without it, but well, the thought of having it is still nice..
- Why do people buy iPad? To have something to do all the time, to be able to play games, to surf the web and to stay connected? Do I want such lifestyle?
- Why do people tweet? To share their thoughts whenever something comes to them? If I have an account, how much time would I spend to follow people's posts? How many people would I subscribe to? If I have a smartphone, will I also tweet all the time? Sometimes, is it better for me to hold my words, give myself time to think through them, before I respond verbally or on paper/web? Usually when I allow things to pass.. they pass and I forgets about them.. I need to balance between remembering vs attaching and mindfully reflect on something vs forgetting things completely

Right now, my work and my lifestyle allows me not to stay connected all the time. I feel attracted to smartphones and constant connectivity now and then, and when I reflected more, I usually do not need them so I'll let it be that way first.. till the real need appears for me to have these gadgets.. I pray that I have the wisdom to use these gadgets wisely when the time comes!

~ttg @ Realized Tranquility of the Heart~

Practicing the Way with the people closest to you

I find that this is a great challenge. One may think that because they're closest to you and because you love them, it will be easy to maintain a good attitude with them and it will be easier to have a harmonious relationship with these people compared to the people you are not so close to.

However, because we are so attached to them, they represent part of us. The more the reason to love them? Right and wrong.. right because it's easier to have the feeling that you want them, you want to possess them and you thought you love them. Wrong because, when they represent part of you, everything they do is you.. including the wrong things which you think is wrong and would never allow yourself to do. So we try to make them behave like us, and because every person is "unique because of previous conditions", this mindset to have everyone think about right and wrong in the same way - is not possible.

I find that I have to revert to the 4 brahma viharas very often to handle my emotions - using compassion when they fail to understand they are wrong, using equanimity when they just will not change and continue to behave the way they do, using love to accept them because they are people closest to me.. and using joy to rejoice in the things that make them happy (but not necessarily will make me happy) - and to have lots of patience...

I am full of gratitude for the chance to attend the Retreat with friends at Wat Cetawan, with Ven Buddharakhita, it really helps me tremendously in dealing with relationships.

~ttg @ Realized Tranquility of the Heart~

Someday List

In one of the recent Simple Dollar newsletters, it discussed about the Someday List, i.e. things that we thought we will do someday. I had a wish list which I've created several years back, but when I read this post, I'll write down something today.. which I think looks a bit different from my wish list:
1. Compile my own devotion book, containing verses for puja, meditation ideas, quotes, sutras, parittas, songs, etc.
2. Organize a mini concert (hmm, this is a pretty big project for myself, which I have "fear" in doing cause it involves a performance. But I thought it would be quite nice to have a few friends and myself to perform)
3. Clean-up and donate old books, magazines, old souvenirs, clothers, etc - I really should aim to lessen the things I own.
4. Have friends gathering to play games.. something I used to like to do when I was younger but I always have difficulty to find friends, maybe it's because I never look for such friends seriously?
5. Learn to cook......
6. Create a mini library? Instead of donating perhaps I could create my very own mini library, and encourage friends to contribute? If I have the time and money, another idea I have is to turn this library into a sort of fund raising for charity - i.e. I'll do a book rental service, but all deposits will go to charity. First of all I have to learn to let go of my personal collection, which I think I have too much sentiment for.

I think that's about it.. I'll visit the list from time to time.. and I think I do turn to do things in this list when I feel like I need something to work on - which is why I'm pretty happy that shopping is not one of my favourite passtime activity!

~ttg @ Realized Tranquility of the Heart~

Why Did I Formally Take Refuge in the Triple Gem and the Five Precepts?

It's because of many factors:
1. I had the advantage of learning about Theravada Buddhism since the age of 15, from the Brickfields 1996 School Holiday Dhamma Camp. I had learned to take refuge since then, or rather the chanting ritual of taking refuge, which I would do once a year or whenever I attend Buddhist camps.
2. I came across a book by Master Sheng Yen of Dharma Drum Mountain, "Why Take Refuge in the Three Jewels" - which at first turned me off because the book mentions that those who do not take the three jewels formally are not real Buddhists, but still I continued to read the book till the end, and I like how it explains the inter-connection between the three jewels, and I read it again this year.
3. This year, I also had the opportunity to attend the training on Buddha Puja led by Datuk Dr Victor Wee, and also Bro Nee Wern. I saw the ritual in a different perspective, I like it, and I started to do my own daily Buddha puja using the leader's text. Today, I will still do a simple daily puja consisting of paying reverence to the Buddha, taking refuge in the triple gem, and taking the five precepts (or using my own version of the five enobling virtues / aspirations).
4. A friend once told me, that at minimum, a Buddhist should take refuge and five precepts on daily basis, and that whenever he runs into trouble, he will look back to the 3 refuges. I remember what he said,and I was curious with his practice of going back to the 3 refuges whenever he needs an answer to life's problems, but I didn't really practise it seriously back then.
5. Somehow, the combination of the few factors above, transformed into a kind of faith in the Triple Gem this year, which also prompted me to study a few sutra texts.
6. I've also been "craving" for many years to have my own Buddhist name. I call it craving because it was influenced by other people. I see other people have it, and I wanted one too for myself.. To be honest I think I wanted it more for the reason of having what others have, rather than for any other more beneficial reasons.
7. The Plum Village Retreat in Genting, finally provided the conditions for the seeds to grow. It offers the participants a chance to take the 5 Mindfulness Trainings, which is actually the 5 precepts, in a formal manner. Not much background is given about this ceremony, but we learn a bit about it from the form we need to fill up, and Brother Canon also kindly explains what we need to fill in for each field and the importance of providing our commitments and aspirations for taking the 5MT, so that it helps the Dharma teachers to give us a suitable Dharma name, which will help us in our practice.

I happily took the opportunity to register for the transmission ceremony, happy to be able to take this formally, as I believe it will enhance and deepen my faith and devotion. It's also funny that I find it normal to use "faith and devotion" in Buddhism now, I used to see Buddhism as a philosophy and I would identify faith and devotion to religions with god/god(s). I was of course also very happy that I will finally get my own Buddhist / Dharma name! A few people I spoke to, wasn't ready to take it, and I think perhaps they aren't ready to commit to it. Well, this is based on my own perception combined with what I've read of why some people are not willing to take the 5 precepts formally. Anyway, nevermind, each being will act to his own karma.. which is ok..

The night before the 5MT, we had the ceremony for the 14MT for 6 other brothers and sisters, which I have to admit, looks a bit scary. So much of kneeling and standing up and bowing.. I hope 5MT will be of less ceremonious...

That morning, I tried to reach our meditation hall before 6am, so that I won't be late for the 5MT. I find that there were 9 cushions in the middle, 6 already taken.. and I was like.. oh dear, so few people are taking the 5MT? But since I was determined and I have registered, I took my place.. and it was right at the front row. Then it began, the chanting followed by the transmission ceremony which is equally ceremonious as the 14MT, the only difference is the number of mindfulness trainings we take.

I sweated so much during the ceremony.. I think I might have felt anxious, I was seated at the front row, and I thought there's only 9 of us, and I was conscious that I will usually sweat when I feel anxious. After going through the initial opening verses, when the monks and nuns on both sides, together with the rest of the participants chant the Heart Sutra, that was when I was really sweating profusely.. which actually doesn't make that much sense. I have calmed down a bit by then, but I still feel the heat, and I was just wondering why am I sweating so much? CA told me later it could be due to the energy generated from the chanting, and those who are receiving the transmissions are right in the middle.. And after this part, my sweating lessens and my body temperature decreases, or I find it cooler after sweating it out.. well, it could be for various reasons to explain why I sweated so much during this part of the ceremony.

So we had the ceremony, and when it's over, when I stood up and turned back, I realized there were about 50 of us taking the 5MT... it wasn't only me! The rest have either arrived slightly later or taken their places in the middle after I did so. We then took our certs from our group faci.. in my group, Morning Dew, besides me there were 5 other people, all from one family, which is actually amazing, I would think it's indeed a very auspicious event for the whole family to take the 5MT together.

The Dharma name I've been given is "Realized Tranquility of the Heart", which I like very much.. could be due to my aspiration for peace, or because I stated too many aspirations / commitments, that the teacher(s) decided that I would benefit from realizing tranquility of the heart :) Thank you for the name!

~ttg @ Realized Tranquility of the Heart~

Perceptions

In the recent conversations I've had, I've noticed how frequent we judge something based on our own perceptions. We make comments on why people do something, we say that something is good, we say that something is bad, we we think what we do not like is also what is not liked by everyone else, we think people will like what we like, we make "statements" which we honestly think are true, but in face everything is really based on our own judgment and perception.

How would we know that something is purely a perception and not a fact? Most of the time we will not know especially when dealing with our own perceptions. But I think it's worthwhile to make a start by looking at how we disagree with what other people say, and try to undertstand the underlying cause of where that statement comes from. I think you will agree with me that the most people honestly believe that what they say is true, but you may know it's not true because you might have seen beyond what they see. By trying to have this understanding, I think it would help when looking back at our own statements and be aware of why people may not agree with us.

I'd like to quote this statement from CA - who has quoted it from some Dharma master, but I couldn't remember who.. When one is enlightened, the things which are preached by that person is all facts and truth and reflects the reality, with no personal perceptions and feelings involved. He said that this statement is very profound, I'd like to say that I concur with it..

~ttg @ Realized Tranquility of the Heart~

Shall We Take A Picture?

Today, at a friend's wedding - I had the joy to see long time friends from the IDC camp, friends whom I've made back in the 17th IDC, which I think was in 2001 or 2002, almost a decade of friendship by now.

We were happy to take picture with the bride, and one of our friends who came late says that nevermind lar, no need to take picture. And my response to him was, you take the picture not for yourself, but for the bride, as she will be happy to have taken the picture with every one of her guests.

After I said that, I was surprised. Did I really say that? I am so happy! I think I am one of those who at times would be "camera shy" either because of the trouble to get other people to take a picture together with me, or because I just felt lazy to "queue" for the picture. However, I know that when I said this, it was really for the sake of someone else and not myself - why we should take pictures - as sometimes it's really because the person whom we asked to take picture with, will feel happy to oblige, and I think (from my personal standpoint) - would feel appreciated too..

I know that by thinking of this thought, that I've had good thoughts, is also a sort of pride, but well.. I'm just very happy that I actually had this moment of good thought..

~ttg @ Realized Tranquility of the Heart~

Singing Bowl

I am fascinated by my singing bowl. I have purchased the "bell" from the recent Plum Village retreat in Genting, and then remembered that it's also called a "singing bowl". Years ago, I think when I was still in secondary school, while waiting to meet up with friends at Central Market, I wandered into a shop selling traditional music instruments. I can only remember didgeridoo and singing bowl now, because the shop owner showed me how to play these 2 instruments, eventhough he knew I won't be able to buy them, I was a schoolgirl at that time.

Somehow, the term "singing bowl" came back to me, and I googled it up.. and I am really fascinted with the way it works. By just pressing the mallet against the rim, it can produce such loud and strong vibration! And later on I discovered that there will be intervals when the vibration is stronger which produce real bell striking sounds, and I thought from the MP3s I heard yesterday, I thought the player alternates between moving the mallet and striking the bowl.

Just now, I also watched a video from YouTube about "charging the water" using singing bowl.. wow.. fantastic. I think I'll try it out now and read and learn more about it too..

~ttg @ Realized Tranquility of the Heart~

Karma

Every moment, I see things unfolding as if fruits are ripening as a result of seeds that I've planted (mostly unconsciously) in the past. I say that it was inconscious because there are so many things which have happened, which I can now trace back to the seed, but which I know, at the time of planting the seed, I would never have thought the result would be like this. Therefore there's not a moment which is dull. I constantly look deeply at the manifestations in me and around me, and look for new learnings and plant good seeds.

In the past few months, I find that there have been a lot of wonderful things happening to me, and I suspect that this is because I am starting to see and notice the present and truly enjoy and appreciates it.
- I've met the lounge pianist in Mumbai, who inspired me about music and improvisation and how to live life
- I've been to the ISKCON temple in Juhu, and I was happy to received the blessing from the Master, who also gave me a bouquet of roses (just 3 roses, with basil leaves), which gave me great pleasure to photograph and to see it every day in my hotel room
- I've had a funny dinner in Beijing on the last day of my trip there, a free meal which handled in such a weird way and which isn't really effective from my POV, but nonetheless provided a great deal of entertainment for us to see how they handled it
- I've been to the Plum Village retreat, which gives me very fuzzy feeling of how I felt about it. I actually felt that it's almost like a cult. After the retreat, I find that I'm drawn to the practice in numerous ways, again in an unconscious manner - I am starting to use the short songs when reflecting on the moment. I used breathing in breathing out when I felt anxious for a business presentation. I used living joyfully concept to transform the fear of the presentation, into excitement and gratitude to have the chance to be involved in the presentation. I also find myself promoting the practice and the retreat in almost the exact same manner like how others have spoken to me at the retreat, which made me felt like it's a cult and yet I can't help speaking of it in the same way!
- I've been to Singapore, after finally letting go of my SG number and the associated memories. I also found my cab driver a Buddhist, and he tried to introduce Buddhism concepts such as impermanence, suffering, letting go, "yuan", without knowing that I was a Buddhist myself. Then, when I told him I'm also a practicing Buddhist, he shared about the Heart Sutra, that it's very benefitical to chant it.. and that's the sutra which really "burned" me during the transmission of 5MT at the plum village retreat. When it was being chanted, I was sweating profusely and not able to help it.. but soon after it ended, my body cooled down. Recalling what Elizabeth Gilbert said about her morning chant - I reflected in the same manner.. it actually burns away the hindrances in me..
- Going back to the quote at the beginning of this post, I find that the things which are happening now are all linked to my past action, I am encountering them now because of the seeds I've planted - amituofo (quoting the SG cab driver about "yuan")

ttg